Home for the Holiday

Well, today I'm blogging from my parents house. I've never lived here because they moved a few times since I went to college, so I'm just staying in the guest room. Took a train down from the city last night. Today, my mom is making cookies, but otherwise I don't think there is much planned. That's fine by me. Whenever I come to visit, we usually just hang out and watch tv, nap, go to the movies, etc. It's not like tons and tons of fun, but it's definitely relaxing and quiet. There's really not much to do around here anyway. And I don't have a car, so it's not like I can go off to visit friends either. I guess they could come visit me, but I'm only here for a few days and I hardly get to see my parents, so I feel bad not hanging out with them. Says the guy who's still in bed at 11:30 while they've been up since 7am. Haha.

Yesterday I went and saw Avatar. I def recommend you go see it. I mean, it does kinda feel like a video game at first and the story is somewhat familiar (Fern Gully anyone?), but the film was visually stunning, and I will say that for a movie who is 3 hours long, I really did not get bored at all. I went to the 3d showing too which was fun. :)

Otherwise, there isn't much going on. I have a couple guys I'm supposed to hang out with when I get back to the city. A few for dates, and some that just want to fuck. I'm getting to the point where maybe I'm ok with that. As long as they seem like they're cool guys who don't mind having an actual conversation, who cares if we have sex too while I'm there. Lol. Ideally I want something serious though, but until someone starts to actually become serious, I may as well enjoy myself. And who knows, it may lead to meeting more people. I'm not saying I'm gonna be a big slut now, but I think I'm just trying to be more open minded about who I'm willing to meet up with.

Sorry I'm not commenting much lately. I'm literally two weeks behind on reading all the blogs I follow. It's all because of my Mexico trip. I got behind. lol. So, sorry if you randomly get comments on posts that are over a week old. Haha.

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you all have wonderful holidays!

Back to the Grind

Well I just returned from a great trip. Well, that's not entirely true. Ive been back for almost a week now. Have been working and enjoying Christmas in the city. It's so awesome this time of year. Going out at night, all the streets are lit with christmas decorations, and people are bundled up and looking good on their way to Christmas parties. Speaking of which, we just had ours last night. Went to a vodka bar in Soho that was a lot of fun. Normally we do something very formal, five course meal, fancy place, get dressed up, the works. This year, they just found a nice bar and rented the place out for the night. The food was great and the drinks were awesome! And I'm not gonna lie, I looked pretty damn sharp. I borrowed a vest from my roommate who's essentially the same size as me and wore that over a plaid shirt with a skinny black tie. Then I wore dark jeans and some very nice new Ted Baker shoes that I've been saving for something special. Honestly, and this is pretty gay, I think dressing up is half the fun.

Today I had the day off. Had two days of vacation left that I needed to use by the end of the year, so I figured the day after the office party was probably a good time to use one. And I'm definitely glad I did. Stayed in bed until around noon. Then moved to the couch. Haha. I then met an old friend (a guy I dated a while back in August) to see a movie. We saw Up in the Air. Gotta say, this was hands down one of the better films I've seen in a while. There's not a lot I can say about it, but I was totally engaged the entire time and really enjoyed the characters; and all the actors did a really good job. Doesn't hurt that George Clooney is pretty easy on the eyes either. ;)

Here are a few pics from Mexico. It was so much fun. I'm really glad I went. Sadly, my tan is already beginning to fade. Sigh...

Vacation

So I'm off to Mexico in the morning. Looking forward to a great week of chillin on a beach, checkin out ruins, and just having fun with some friends. Wish you all the best over the next week or so. Will post some pictures when I get back. :) Ciao!

Yet Another Train Ride

So, I’m blogging from the train again. This is the NJ Transit train though. Not nearly as glamorous as the Amtrak. And even that isn’t anything amazing. It’s dirt cheap though and get me where I need to be, so it works. I only use it to come down for Thanksgiving or to go to family stuff in NJ. My relatives live outside of Philadelphia. Just have to be clear, it’s not north Jersey. Haha. Thanksgiving was great. Just hung out, had some wine, ate some yummy food, and played a lot of Wii. Not a bad way to spend an evening in my opinion. My grandma destroyed all of us in bowling though. She’s in her 80’s and she killed all of us.

Tonight I don’t know what I’m doing. Have a friend in town that I met online. We’ve never met, but he’s here for the week from California. I think we might hit some gay bars in the city, which would be fun. I’m hoping he just wants to hang out though and we’re not out looking for guys. He’s really hot and I don’t feel much like being ditched. Not that he would do that, but my mind always thinks of the worst-case scenario. Tomorrow, I think we’re gonna try and go see a movie – I really want to see Broken Embraces, the Almodovar movie – and maybe do a little shopping. It’s probably going to be a mad house anywhere you go though, so that might not pan out. Either way, it’ll be cool to hang out.

Sunday, I gotta get ready for Mexico. I can’t fucking wait to go. I’m so pale though, it’s not even funny. I really hope I don’t burn. My plan to go tanning before hand totally didn’t happen. I have one more session, I think, so I’ll probably use it Saturday or Sunday. Also gotta get some luggage that’ll be easier to transport and maybe find some books to read on the trip. Maybe a little David Sedaris or something light like that. Any suggestions? I have other books that I need to start, but it’s stuff like Atlas Shrugged and This Side of Paradise, not really beach reading. Haha.

Something to be excited about

Had a date last night with someone I found online. I met him after work in chelsea. He wanted to go to Outback and get a burger so that's where I met him. I was nervous, so of course I had no appetite - so annoying. I just had a two beers and he had his burger. It was fun. We got along really well. I think we both got each others sense of humor. He was super sarcastic, which I'm really into. At one point, he was telling me something and I said, I can't tell if this is real or if you're just kidding around with me. He was kidding. Ha.
After dinner, well Outback, we went to a gay bar nearby. It was cool. I've never been to a normal gay bar in the city before. I know... The only one i've been to is probably the sleaziest one in the city. I only went because some friends wanted to. But this one was fun. We stayed and had a drink. They were playing drag bingo that night, so we played a little. Didn't win. Haha.
Then I walked him home and we kissed a little right on the street. I definitely liked that. Lol. I didn't end up spending the night, so this is probably a good sign. That hasn't worked out so well for me recently.
The only thing that sucks is that I won't get to see him again for almost two weeks. He's going home for Thanksgiving for a week and then I leave for Mexico the day he gets back. Just my luck...

Getting So Close

So this week needs to just fly by. I only have to work 2 more days, but I really just want them over and done with. It needs to be Thursday already. After these two days of work i have 13 days off in a row! 13!! I'm taking the week off after the holiday to go to Mexico with a friend. We're gonna hit up Playa del Carmen, Tulum, and Mahahual. Should be a pretty awesome trip. Aside from maybe Playa del Carmen, everywhere seems very chill and relaxed. So, it'll be a lot of laying on the beach, a little snorkeling, seeing some awesome Mayan ruins, and just relaxing in the sun. I can't wait!

Tomorrow, it looks like I have a date. It's with a guy I met online on one of those dating sites. We've been chatting for maybe a couple weeks now. We were going to meet up earlier, but he got sick and is just now getting over it. He seems like a nice sarcastic guy, so I'm game. Not sure where we're going. He suggested Outback. I asked him what that was, thinking it was some gay bar I'd never heard of. He wrote back, "the chain restaurant." Ha. I'm not to good for Outback. I told him, that's fine with me. I did warn him that I probably wouldn't be hungry, just because of nerves and stuff. He said he used to be the same way when he started dating in college. I guess that's reassuring that I'm not the only one, and that it'll probably go away sooner or later. I'll keep you posted on how the date goes.

Otherwise, not too much going on right now. Excited for Thanksgiving. It's one of my favorite holidays. Unless you're cooking something, there's really nothing you have to do other than show up. Haha. I like the minimal effort. Just gotta go with a big stomach and everyone's happy. :)

On a sadder note, a friend of mine and his boyfriend are having a really rough patch right now. My friend made a huge mistake and ended up cheating on him with a guy. A random guy from craigslist, but still it wasn't good. It's been just over a week and they had several horrible days. They were really in love. The only reason my friend was even considering other guys was because his boyfriend wasn't putting the work into their sex life. Other than that, they were perfect together. He doesn't know why he let it happen, but he was sick to his stomach about it for several days and couldn't have regretted it more. What are your guys thoughts on cheating? Is it ever forgivable? Do you think a relationship can withstand it if two people truly love each other. I guess I'm a romantic and think that love can overcome just about anything. I really hope they can get through this. As I write this, my friend is at his place spending the night. His boyfriend has asked him to come the last few nights because he couldn't stand not being with him. What do you guys think?

Lazy Saturday

Nothing new to report really. I know I never post on here, but I'll be honest, it's just not a big priority. This weekend is pretty boring so far. It's raining and windy here in New York, meaning I have little to no desire to go out and do stuff around the city. The only plans I have are to go to H&M and then go tanning. Normally I wouldn't care about tanning, but I need to get some color for a trip I have coming up. Not sure if I mentioned it on here or not, but I booked a flight to Cancun! I'll be there for a full week too. I'm going with a friend, but neither of us actually want to go to Cancun, so we're going down the coast to a few towns. Playa del Carmen, Tulum, and Mahahual. It should be a really fun trip. I've never been to Mexico before. I've decided I really like these kinds of trips. Just relaxing on the beach, trying to get away from it all. It's so different from something like a trip to Paris or London or some other city. Doing that, I just feel like there are all these things I need to see, and I end up running around the whole time. I mean, that's definitely fun and exciting, but this trip is going to be to relax. Sit on the beach, lay in the hammock. Maybe a little snorkeling/kayaking and a little temple ruin stuff interspersed too. So exciting.

So the Yankees won the World Series the other week and whenever a NY sports team wins the super bowl or the series, they throw a ticker tape parade up broadway to city hall. I only care because my office overlooks part of the parade route. I was here for the giants parade two years ago, so this was my second. It's really crazy though. Tons and tons of people jam into the financial district and make getting to work almost impossible. I had to pay 2.25 just to take the subway so I could get across broadway. I didn't even get on the train. I just used the station underpass to get across the street. Haha. It's that ridiculous. I managed to take some pictures, so here are a few. After the parade, the street is covered in paper and trash. It's pretty amazing watching the literal army of sanitation workers clean it up afterward. It looks like a bomb went off after the parade, but by the end of the day, the streets are cleaner than they were the day before.

Kind of a Shitshow

So this weekend was a bit of a let down. I went down to DC to meet up with an old roommate and drive down to see our other roommate for the weekend. It was really great getting to see them and catching up. But really, that's where the fun pretty much stopped. When we got there, we walked in the door and it smelled like pot. That should have been my first sign. The house was really gross. I mean, it was relatively in order. It wasn't a dump or anything, but it was clear that no one in this house owned a vacuum. And there was a dog and two cats living there. I would have gone kind of crazy if I had to stay much longer. Thankfully my friend brought sleeping bags. I've slept on some crap couches before, but I was still a little wary about these. They didn't really use their main living room, so it was cleaner than the rest. I obviously took one of the couches in there.

The whole weekend was nothing but drinking. I don't do that. I hate drinking usually. Especially if it's an all day affair. I'm ok with doing a bar for a few hours, but after that, I want to go home and sleep it off. Friday, we got there and went out to a bar. We played some bar games and then decided to just go home and drink there since we would have to cab back if we stayed too long. So we went home and my friend made me a glass of firefly. This was my big mistake for the weekend. Apparently it's pretty much just flavored vodka. I didn't really mix it with much, other than a lot of ice and a little water.

Well, later that night my body was ANGRY. i was up for about two hours. tried waiting it out but then i vommed 3 times in a row. it was extremely unpleasant. when did i become such an amateur. haha. the next morning i felt a little better. i even got a good breakfast without feeling too bad. i had a mimosa in the afternoon, but that was about it. that night a bunch of people came to their house to hang out so we were just drinking beer. Natty. gross. my body wasn't happy about that, so really i had maybe two or three the whole night.

It just really wasn't a fun time. Especially since everyone else was so drunk. I think I just realized that this is not the lifestyle for me. Working all week and doing nothing but drinking otherwise isn't my idea of a good time. Eventually I just said fuck it and got on my computer and then went to bed.

This morning was better. We went and walked around campus and hit up some old places we used to go to all the time. I do miss my friend and living with her. :)

Anyway. Not a very exciting story, but it wasn't a very exciting weekend. I rarely regret getting out and doing stuff, but this was one trip I probably could have done without. Aside from seeing my friends and catching up, the trip kind of blew. Oh well. So glad to be back home in New York. It's so funny how comfortable it's become.

Now I need to deal with work, which may or may not be a pain in the ass this week. And then I need to deal with a few boys. There's one guy I saw last week. He's 33 and HOTTT. He also lives like a block from my apartment, which is dangerous. :P lol. We had fun last time I saw him, but I think I'd like to get to know him a little better next time we meet up. So there's that this week. Fun stuff. :)

I should be getting to bed though. It's that time. Cheers.

Hittin' the Road

I’d like to think that I’m pretty good at getting up and down the East coast on a pinch, and today I’m trying something new. I’m on Bolt Bus heading down to Philly. My mom was in the hospital this week and had to have surgery. So, I’ve scrapped my plans to go to Boston and am heading home instead. Once I get to Philly, I’m hopping on a Septa train and taking that to Delaware. Amtrak is a little cushier and the view is more exciting than just being on the highway, but for 13 bucks and then the 5 for the Septa, I really can’t complain.

Yesterday was the most disgusting day. It rained. Not only did it rain, but it was freezing cold too. It was just a terrible day. Definitely not fall weather by any means. I ended up doing something kind of impulsive, probably because it was so shitty out. Haha. I booked a ticket to Cancun! Jet Blue was having a one-day sale and I convinced a friend to go with me. I’m super excited. We’re doing the Riviera Maya. Skipping Cancun because it’s pretty gross and neither of us is looking for that type of vacation.

I’m realizing what the catch with taking the bus is… Traffic!

Not a lot else going on right now. No guys really to speak of. At least no one I’m seeing on any regular basis. Work is going well. I’m on a team with a much more regular schedule. So I get to leave at about 7 everyday. It’s awesome. Somehow that extra hour at night really makes a difference. I can actually do things after work and still get home in time to chill for a little bit before getting to bed.

Anyway. Will try to post more often. This weekend I’ll have a lot of free time. But honestly, it’s going to be so boring at home. There won’t be very much to post about. Haha.

Where'd August Go?

Wow, looks like there's been a pretty big gap since my last post. Sorry I'm so terrible at updating this. It was a busy month though. I'll try to catch up.

Work has been a killer. The project I'm on has some particularly demanding clients, so we've been working especially hard to keep them happy. Who knows if it's working. Haha.

Our office closes for a week every summer and this year I went on a real vacation. My roommate and I decided to go to Puerto Rico! I had a friend who was apparently living down there for the summer and she offered to put us up for the week. So essentially all we paid for was our flight and food while we were down there. We did end up going on an overnight trip to Vieques, which is another island off PR, while we were there. Rented a little jeep and went beach hopping for two days to the most beautiful beaches I've ever seen. It was PERFECT. So relaxing. I had an amazing, amazing time there. This is a pic of the beach we went to on the last day on Culebra. It's another island. Even more beautiful than the others.


So, I'll try to keep this updated more often. Not making any promises. Haha. There has been some boy drama as of late. But nothing I feel like rehashing just right now. Probably deserves it's own post anyway. It's my day off and I'm just hanging out around the house so far. Might take a nap. We'll see.

Tanning Guy

I've been meaning to write this for a few days now but just haven't sat down and done it. So this Wednesday our team at work got the day off because we had pulled several late nights in preparation for a meeting that week and had worked over the weekend. It was kind of a really gross day out though, so I ended up just sleeping in for most of it. I decided around 2 that I wanted to go tanning and I had found a place that looked like a good place to try. The website has pictures of models in their underwear on it, so it's pretty safe to assume that the place is kind of catering to gay guys. Fine by me. The review I read on google also said that the place was usually full of hot guys too. Haha.

So I go there and the place is empty. No surprise, it was 2pm on a Wednesday after all. On the walk over it had started to drizzle a little too, so I was glad to get in there before it rained any harder. I walk in and the guy working the front desk is literally one of the hottest guys I've ever interacted with in person. Blue eyes. Built, but not too muscley. White tee and jeans. Buzz cut. Nice tan. AMAZING smile. He tells me about the packages etc etc. They were all way too expensive but I get 10 sessions anyway. I couldn't say no. Lol.

So he asked me why I wanted to tan and I told him I had a vacation coming up. I said where I was going etc and his response was "awesome, can i come?". HA! I was like "haha yeah seriously". It seemed kind of flirty to be honest. At that point he shows me what button to press, etc and I do the tan thing and am all set.

As I'm walking back to the front, I see out the door that it is now pouring. It's like flash-flood weather. I ask him a few more questions about when to come back (He said Friday) and say how much I liked the machine, blah blah. At that point he says that I can stay if I want to wait it out. I say, sure I'll stay for a few minutes. So I'm sitting there and I ask what he was watching. I'd seen that he had something up on hulu when I was coming out from the back. I was still the only other person there. He said he was just watching SNL clips and we started talking about that for a minute. We were just sitting there and he started watching them again. After a minute he moved the monitor so we could both watch it. :) So we watched a clip together. Then a customer came in and then one more a little while after and then another employee.

Meanwhile it was still shitting rain like nobody's business and I had no umbrella, not that it would have done me much good. I ended up hanging out there for at least an hour. Haha. I really couldn't go anywhere though. It was raining that hard. But I certainly didn't mind waiting.

Anyway. That was the story of Tanning guy. If I were a much more confident person I would have asked him for a drink since he was getting off and I had nothing else to do all day. Would have been the perfect "meet cute" if you ask me.

I did end up going back on Friday. After the session, I asked his name and shook his hand. (Contact!) Lol. I'm such a dork. I may go back tomorrow if there's time. Not sure yet. Could have gone today, but I felt a little red after Friday so I'm gonna give it a few days.

Most Random Text EVER

So I'm laying in bed talking to a friend on gchat. It's 1:30am. I'm about to go to sleep and my phone buzzes that I have a text.

Boy 1 : You never kissed me. You never even tried. I guess I am still wondering about that.

Me: This is the most random text ive ever gotten. are you ok? i mean we can talk about this if you want man.

Boy 1: I always aim to please in the random department. And I'm fine. And I was just wondering about it.

Me : haha. well did you know that you were the first guy i ever went on a date with? first guy i ever held hands with. did you think it was you? i hope not. :(

Boy 1 : These are all things that could have previously been brought to my attention. I revoke my initial inquiry.

Boy 1: I kinda thought it was me.

Me: oh fuck. I feel like shit now. but if i remember correctly i did try pretty hard to keep in touch for a while there.

Boy 1: No no no. I'm not trying to make you fell bad at all. You keeping in touch made me wonder even more. I guess that's what prompted this. Just forget it! :/

Me: not that i blame you, but i wish i had asked more about you and [your ex]. i guess i assumed you two had been done for a while. took me a bit to piece that together.

Boy 1: Okay well now I have nothing to say back to that. G'night.

Me: don't worry about it man. im still really glad we met when we did. question though... even if i had kissed you, you'd still be with [your ex] right?

Boy 1: Idk.

Me: you're sure everything's ok tonight?

Boy 1: Yes. Stop worrying. We'll talk later.

Me: haha. ok ok. well it was good hearin from you [boy1]. random. but good. :) sorry i confused you. def ttyl. night kiddo.

Is it just me or was this TOTALLY out of the blue. Not gonna lie, I was kind of excited to hear from him. We haven't really kept in touch that much. I tried for a while to meet up with him again. But eventually realized that he had gotten back with his ex. We're still friends on facebook and every now and then I'll send him a message in response to a funny status update. It's more like every few months. We did talk once on aim and he told me that he and his ex had indeed gotten back together. He said he felt weird talking about it. I'm the type of person who wants the truth. Even if it's not what I want to hear, I still want the truth. Otherwise I form my own conclusions and that's just not good.

Anyway, I kinda want to know what the hell prompted that. Like, who thinks that when they're in a relationship with someone else? This guy and he have been together for years as far as I can tell. It's just very very odd. I guess I'm the only other guy in a while besides the boyfriend who he's been with. So maybe he feels guilty all of a sudden. I don't know. Maybe he and his boyfriend aren't doing so great right now? No clue. Seriously. Just beyond random. Haha.

Long Day

Today was such a long day. Well, it felt like a long day at least. Got out of work at 5:30, but had been up on my feet all day for a worshop meeting. I was also in the office from 10am to 4am last night and only got about 3 hours of sleep. I'm exhausted. But I'm at the point where if I go to sleep now, I'll just wake up at midnight and not be able to sleep.

I was gonna take a little nap, but instead I got a call from from someone I've never talked to before. My friend from Jersey who I mentioned a LONG while ago I think. We've been chatting online and gotten really really close since we met in November. But until tonight we've never actually spoken to each other. Just talking on AIM or gchat. We're really close friends, like I would tell him absolutely anything. Things I wouldn't tell anyone else. I don't know how we got so close. I think he just had a lot of tough times this year and I helped talk him through it. I think in the process I've gotten a really big crush on him though. Like he's super cute and very sexy. I didn't think he was my type at first, but something about his personality is really attractive to me. Unfortunately I didn't realize any of this until he's with someone else. He's been seeing this guy and now, according to him, they're in love. I mean, I could have met him sooner, but it just never happened. I'm glad he's happy though. And we've both said to each other that if we're ever single at the same time again, we're going on a date. Anyway, he gave me a call on his way home from work because we've been saying how we need to talk one of these days. We chatted for about 20 minutes which was really really nice. Definitely brightened my day. :) Ugh. But I'm still crushin pretty hard on the guy. Haha.

As for Astoria guy... not really sure where things are at. It's really like we've only been dating for a week. I'm ready to move forward, but I don't know what he's thinking. I didn't hear from him all weekend which was kind of weird. But I also told him I'd be gone, so.... I dunno. Right now I'm just gonna go with it and see where it leads.

Weekend Wind-down

This weekend wasn't bad. Nothing mind blowing or anything. But a nice weekend. I did have to work today though, which sucked most of the fun out of my Sunday. Yesterday I saw the boy again. I think I've decided not to 'name' him on the blog until we're actually boyfriends. Until then, he's just going to be 'boy'. So, boy and I went to Ikea together, which is great for me because I can just walk to the ferry terminal and don't have to take any trains to meet him. We decided to meet at the seaport at 1. I didn't see him until 1:45. Not gonna lie, I was a little annoyed. But, it was because the stupid trains were messed up, so I can't really blame him. So, we took the ferry to Ikea. We did the whole route through the store and pointed out all the stuff we liked. We didn't linger too long because it was kind of crowded and there were misbehaved children coming out of the woodwork. Gross. We got what he needed and one or two other things and then headed back to the ferry. He had a dinner to get to uptown at 5 and it was already 3 or so. I offered that he could come hang out at my place for a little while and then head uptown instead of going all the way home again. (It takes at least 45 min to get to Astoria from here). He decided he had enough time, so he went home. I was kind of disappointed. Would have been nice to FINALLY get him alone for a little bit. I haven't even gotten to kiss the guy since our second date. This was the 5th time we've seen each other. Apparently he has a thing with PDA's, which is kind of ok with me, but a quick kiss hello and goodbye never hurt anyone. Lol. In any event, I took him to the subway and hugged him goodbye. Still not sure where this is going, but trying to just be patient and see what happens. I like the guy and I think I can wait if that's what he needs to do. Not like I really have a lot else going on at the moment. Haha.

Late Night

So it's almost 3 on Saturday night. You'd think I would be just getting home from a bar or something. But no. I've been home all night. Haha. And most of the day too. Just a very boring day, with nothing specific that I really needed to do, and not one specific to really do anything with. But that's not what I feel like talking about.

I used to write another blog before I started this one. But it wasn't public. It was mostly just a place for me to write down all the things I wish I had someone to tell them to. A place to just lay it all out there without any kind of judgement. Anyway, I was reading through some of the old posts and realized how depressing they were. I mean, I probably only get on this blog to complain about things and generally to vent as well, but I must have been pretty lonely a year or two ago. I guess it was around when I was finishing school and then starting a new job, so life was kind of up in the air and I just didn't have a very strong footing on what my life was at the time. It kind of sucked at the time, not knowing where I'd end up. And then when I finally got here, I was still sleeping on a couch, starting a new job with new people, and then looking for a place to live as well. Didn't leave a lot of room for dating. Haha. So, I think I might share some of these posts. Mostly because I don't really feel like writing about much else right now. Haha.

So, this is June 16 2007

I haven't posted for nearly three whole months. Wow. But suddenly I'm feeling kind of depressed again. I have no idea why, but I just got home and I feel sad. I just feel sad and don't know what about. I got back from a night of hanging out with M who I don't really get to see as often as I thought I would this summer. As usual, he's really busy with all the million things he's doing. I wish I were as active as he is. Anyway, it was a strange night. I emailed him yesterday just saying we should get dinner or something tonight, and we ended up going to the Shebeen which is a pretty nice restaurant. It kinda felt like a date, especially since we went to see a movie afterward. We saw Knocked Up which I guess is what put me in this weird mood. I think my mind is in the whole love and babies and real life mindset, and I guess I'm really scared of all those things. I don't have anyone to love. At least not anyone who loves me back. I don't foresee any babies in the near future. Maybe ever (How sad is that? I really feel like shit writing that down.). Real life is also up in the air. Once again I have no idea where I will be three months from now or what I will be doing. All I know is that right now, I am here. Alone. And as far as I can tell wherever I am in three months, odds are that I'll be there. Just as alone.

Umm. Yeah... Could I be more emo? Lol. That's the guy who came to visit me this winter. We were friends in college and still keep in touch. I used to have a pretty big crush on him then, but have since managed to move on. Haha. I don't know if I mentioned it, but not too soon after he visited he emailed me saying that he knew I was gay and has always known and just wanted to let me know that he didn't care. Blah blah blah. It was nice that he was just totally upfront about it. That's how I'd prefer people to be honestly. Just frank and to the point. I'm also not one to be easily offended or get my feelings very hurt, so maybe not everyone feels the same way.

Ok. It's way too late to be up writing. I'm just going to end up babbling on about nothing. Night all.

Trip Home

I’m writing this post on the train again, heading home for the weekend. A friend of mine whom I’ve known since I was in 7th grade is having a birthday dinner Saturday night that I said I’d come down for. I’m pretty excited to be getting out of the city. It’s been so rainy and gross this entire month. Just need some quiet and not to think about doing anything for a day or two. It’ll be nice.
My friend just text’s me, “hey are you at winnies?” I am not at Winnies, but most of the people in my office are. It was someone’s last day, so we were all going out to celebrate. I obviously couldn’t go. Sucks because I never get to go out with my friend as much as we used to. Booo!
Things are going well otherwise though. I’m planning a trip to Puerto Rico, which I’m beyond excited about. I’ve never been anywhere tropical like that before. Only Florida once or twice, and then it was only to go to Disney with family when I was little. It’s like my first real adult vacation. We get a whole week off work in August, so I figure I may as well make good use of it. It turns out one of our interns from last summer is living down there like a block away from the beach, so I have a place to stay! Woo hoo!
Still haven’t seen the boy again. He’s been in MD since last Friday. It sucks that he’s gone, but we’ve kept in touch. I think he’ll be back next weekend, so that’ll be great. He told me he missed me the other night, which was nice to hear. I miss him too. I mean, we’ve only hung out the two times, but we had a nice time together both times and have been chatting ever since, so I feel like I’m gradually getting to know the guy pretty well. The poor guy is having a lot of money trouble right now, which sucks. He quit his job 6 months ago because his boss was completely unethical and he couldn’t work with her any more. He’s trying to apply for unemployment, but they’re not being very speedy about making a decision. He also went to the bank to try and get a small loan so he could pay his rent, but they denied him. I feel bad for the guy. I know it’s stressing him out like crazy. Poor guy.

Second Date

The second date was pretty fun. We went to the movies on Friday for the first date and then we hung out that Sunday afternoon. We didn't really plan anything to do. I pretty much just invited myself over and said I'd rather be bored there than bored here on my own. Even if he had to do work on his computer, I'd be more than happy just hanging out. So I went over around maybe 1 or 2. I got there and he showed me his place. Met the dog. So cute. He has a golden retriever, which was super friendly. The only thing we had planned to do was go run an errand he needed to do, which was buy batteries at CVS (very exciting stuff I know. But I like doing mundane stuff like that with people.) So we went and did that and I got to see a bit of Astoria. We went back and he wanted me to watch Ghost Hunters, his favorite show, on DVD. So I laid down on his bed and he put it on. Then he laid down too and I really wasn't that thrilled with the show, so we started making out. After a little of that he got his computer and started doing some work while I watched the show. It was sweet. But after a few episodes, we were both a little bored with that and decided to fool around some more. That was MUCH more fun than TV. Haha. After about 2 hours of that (much more fun) we got ourselves together and went to the grocery store. We made guacamole and grilled some hot dogs on his fire escape (definitely illegal lol). I had some guac and about half a hot dog and then suddenly felt nauseous (like I always seem to do on dates). It was so embarrassing/frustrating, but he didn't seem to care. I figure I ate something this time at least, which is better than not being able to eat anything. After dinner we hung out a little longer and then I gave him a kiss and headed home. At that point it was about 10pm. Definitely a great Sunday!

Unfortunately that was the last time we've gotten together... Not really sure what's goin on... I'll blog more about it later.

PS. TRUE BLOOD tonight! I hope everyone is as excited as I am.

I'm a Horrible Blogger

So, I know I haven't posted anything for.... weeks now. Sorry. I've been kind of busy with work, but mostly just haven't had the urge to write anything. I guess there have been a few interesting developments. Nothing earth shattering really, but some nice surprises.

I've been working at this job for 17 months now, not including the 3 months I was interning. Well up until now, I hadn't asked for a raise. Normally, you get a raise every year and my year was in January. Well, in January, they laid off 10 people. So, I didn't really think it was appropriate to be asking for a raise. But that was a while ago, and the office has been doing well and there's stuff to work on, so I finally decided it was time to ask. So I asked, and they gave me a really good raise. Like 13% I think. It was definitely a very good Friday!

I also started seeing this guy. He lives in Astoria. We met up on a Friday afternoon. I had the day off. We'd been chatting for a few days online and decided to meet up and go see a movie. We went to a bar for a little dinner. He ordered a burger. Obviously I wasn't going to be able to eat all that, especially on a first date. So, I just ordered a salad. Ick. It was so boring. I did have a beer though with it. Haha. Then we went and saw Angels & Demons. It was nice. He's a really sweet guy. Nothing really happened on the date other than a hug hello and goodbye, but it was still very nice. I'll blog about our second date later. It was just a little more fun... ;)

Off Weekend

I don't know why this weekend felt weird. Feels like it was just kind of up and down. Not sure if I've really been myself lately. Or maybe I'm just disappointing myself. There are things I want to do and somehow I always manage to convince myself that I don't want to and end up just sort of not accomplishing much of anything.

Today was good so far though. I met my friend who I used to live with in school for a hard hat tour of this building along the High Line. Here's the wikipedia page for it. Essentially, it's an old rail line like the ones you see in Chicago, but it hasn't been used in forever and has just been sitting vacant. So, they decided to turn it into an elevated park and it's supposed to open in like a month I think. The tour was pretty stupid to be honest. Somehow our group got screwed out of an actual tour guide. We just walked up into the building and then walked down after we saw enough. It was cool to see the high line under construction. Then we went to the DVF store to look at a model of the new Whitney they had on display. There's a bunch of stuff going on over the next few days in the Meat Packing district apparently, and this was just one of the things they were offering.

After that we went to Chelsea Market and got some soup. Really, it was nice just catching up with her. She's probably the coolest, nicest person you'd ever meet. We were saying how ridiculously difficult it seems to be to keep in touch with people. I mean we're only like a 20 min subway ride away (less prob) and I think the last time I saw her was when Wall-E was out. Terrible. I think we're gonna try and get together for a drink soon though.

Yesterday was more of a bust though. I didn't do much and I was supposed to meet this guy and bailed on him. Well I was under the impression that we didn't make plans, but I think he ended up coming downtown for the day thinking I was still go. I definitely was dodging his texts. I know I should have just been like, dude i'm just not feelin it today, but I didn't.... I felt like such a jerk. So that had me in a kind of funk yesterday. This morning was good though. I'm glad I managed to get out.

This afternoon I've just been cleaning and watching a movie. Tried to make my way through Pineapple Express but ended up falling asleep. I don't know, it wasn't really doin it for me. The same thing happened with Tropic Thunder. I think I may just pop it back in the mail and get the next movie. I think I'm about due for a good gay movie, haha, any suggestions?

Currently listening to: Shiny Toy Guns - Major Tom

Pretty Crap Day

Today was pretty miserable if I must say. I got to work and was just totally drained the entire day. Something about the rainy weekend just sucked all the momentum out of me. I think I was mostly just annoyed that I still have to work on this project when I thought that Saturday's deadline would be it. Apparently I was mistaken. I've been given like 10 A0 boards to design for the 21st. It's not a ton of work, but it's still going to be kind of a pain. And today, I just wasn't in the mood.

The one bright part of the day was emailing this new guy that I've been talking to. He emailed me after lunch asking how my day was. It made me happy talking to him. We're tentatively planning to meet up sometime on Saturday for coffee and wandering around. I'll admit, I'm excited to meet him. He seems very sweet and maybe even a little shy, which could be nice. I'm looking forward to it. :)

Oh, here are some sketches I did while I was waiting for pdf's to print the other day. It's just silly doodling with absolutely no rhyme or reason to it, but I like how they look. Lemme know what you think.

Is this Even Going Anywhere?

I've been online for several hours now just chatting with guys online. It's kind of ridiculous now that I'm thinking about it. Especially since I have yet to meet a single one of them in real life. Well, one was a friend from the blog, who it would be great to meet, but he's halfway across the country. Haha. So that probably isn't going to happen anytime soon. He's a really cool kid and I hope he knows I'm talking about him. Haha. Always great meeting people through the blog. They're just naturally better at conversation it seems. I guess there's a certain type of person who is better at being open with total strangers. I'd like to be that person, but I think it's more limited to online. In real life I don't see myself as especially open. I can hold a conversation, but with coworkers or friends, I just don't really give much of myself up. For instance, I never talk about my personal life that much. Maybe it's because there isn't much to speak of.

Anyway, the other people I was chatting with were just people I met on this site I've been using lately. I've "met" a lot of people through it. Some of them are clearly looking for just one thing, but others seem pretty genuine. For the most part, people use it as a hookup site. I try to be really clear that I'm looking for more of a connection, especially considering I'm not very comfortable with all that yet. There have been a handful that I would seriously consider meeting in real life. Some of them seem to be drifting away now though after a few weeks of not setting anything up.

But tonight I did meet a guy who seems like a great guy. He told me to email him tomorrow and I def am going to when I get up. He said he's never met anyone on there, but that it'd be great if i could be the first. And even better if I were the last. I thought that was just so sweet. I know it's something that most guys probably would never say, especially to someone they haven't met yet. But I liked it. He seems very similar to me. Trying to be more social and get out more. Trying to meet guys. I wouldn't say I'm doing a very good job of it, but I'm making some effort.

Haha. The other guy i was chatting with is 34. Ridiculous right. I totally don't see this going anywhere. This would be the "just getting it over with" option. Not ideal. But sometimes it's fun to just chat with people about sexual stuff and just be totally casual about it. It's not like I gave him my name or address, so what's the harm really. Apparently he's into my type and has a 25 year old boyfriend who he lives with and they have a very open relationship. Haha. So not me, but he's a nice guy. Hot. And he doesn't mind chatting about stuff even though I told him I won't be coming over tonight. Haha. You're probably thinking less of me right now. lol.

PS - Just downloaded the Ladyhawke album. Love it.

Home for the Weekend

I’m sitting on a train writing this, watching the Philadelphia skyline go by in the window. This is why I take the train. It’s just so awesome going right through the heart of the city. I’m heading home for the weekend. Haven’t been home since Christmas, so I’m about due for a visit.

Today was probably one of the nicest days we’ve had this year. On my walk to work, I walked through the church cemetery. All the trees are flowering and there are like a million tulips blooming all over the place. (Oh man just went by the Robert Venturi houses on the river. They make me wanna watch some Always Sunny right about now. When the hell is that gonna come back. Anyway…) And they were cutting the grass this morning. Not a smell that you really get much, living in New York. It just totally set the tone for my whole day. I honestly didn’t do a ton of work today. We have a submission deadline on Friday, but so far we’re in pretty good shape. The three of us working on it have been busting our asses to get it done right and work out all the kinks, so we’re looking good at the moment.

We decided to take a long lunch and go to Stone Street since it was a nice day. I got a drink with lunch, which was great. I LOVE summer in NY! I also decided that morning that I needed sunglasses bad and I want them for Saturday since I plan on being outside for a while. So after lunch I took the train up to Soho to go get some Mosley Trades. I had the woman show me pretty much every pair. Haha. At one point she handed me a white pair, similar to the ray ban wayfarers. I laughed when I looked in the mirror. She was like, yeah that’s probably a good sign that they’re not the right pair for you. Umm yeah. I eventually found a pair that I really liked and I’m so excited about them. Even though they’re way more than I should be spending on sunglasses, who cares. I love em. And what’s the point of making money if you don’t enjoy yourself once in a while. I don’t spend that much all the time, so every once in a while it’s cool to drop a little cash. Haha.

Not a whole lot goin on boy-wise. Haven’t talked to Boy 2 in a day or two. He should be more aggressive. I don’t get it. The last couple times I’ve talked to him, it felt like kind of a struggle to get anything out of him. I hate that. It’s really not that hard to be somewhat responsive and engaging in a conversation. My biggest pet peeve is signing off or going away without saying goodbye or giving any hint that you’re going. Majorly annoying.

Well my stop is coming up. Better gather up my things. Just finished watching Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist on my computer. Perfect train movie. If you haven’t seen it, definitely check it out. It’s no oscar winner, but it’s a cute story. And you gotta love anything shot entirely in New York.

Just Getting In

I am so bad at keeping up with this. Not a whole lot is going on right now. At least, I don't think there's anything that exciting. Just busy with work as usual. It's 1 am right now and I've only been home for about 15 minutes. Had to submit a rough draft of our final submission for the project I'm on.

We actually got some very good news at work the other day. We won a huge huge huge masterplan competition in Korea. We beat several other offices. We all got called into the conference room at the end of the day last tuesday. Of course we were all thinking, oh great more bad news or something. So, no one was especially enthused about getting together. We all knew that it wasn't for a champagne party like the ones we used to have every other week. Then our boss comes in and says "These are tough economic times... but we have just won the biggest competition in the world, Korea!" Then they broke out the champagne. Lol. Of course, I had to get back to work because we had a deadline that night. Go figure. But the next night, they treated us all to open bar at a bar in Tribeca. It was a wednesday, so we were pretty much the only people in the whole place. But, we all had a good time. Definitely a good pick-me-up for the office.

In other news, Boy 2 and I still haven't been able to get together. I thought we were going to this weekend. It was so nice out too. But somehow by the time Saturday came around, we hadn't made any concrete plans and when I texted him, he didn't respond. On Sunday, he said he was at work. I don't know why that wasn't something he could have told me. We ended up just chatting online for a bit that night and that was that. This weekend I'll be going home, so won't happen then either. Wish I were one of those people who got out of work at 6 and had the rest of the evening to do stuff. I'm lucky if I make it home by 8. Sigh...

Wearing Thin

I just got home from work. It's quarter to midnight. Not good. I've been having to work non stop lately. It sucks. Today I just was not in the mood for it and was noticeably grumpy all day. I think I'm still a little pissed off that we had to work on Easter this weekend. We managed to get a day off on Saturday (I should feel fortunate, no?) and had to go in on Sunday. It was so ridiculous though because Saturday, it rained all day and then Sunday was super nice and sunny. It just didn't make sense to me. I did get a lot done, but I would have rather just gone in on Saturday if I had the choice. The most frustrating thing is that we're supposedly "in production" right now. The design was supposed to have been frozen like a week or two ago, yet, even today, they're still making minor changes. Granted, they are minor, but even little things end up affecting like 5 different drawings that I have to then go in and update one by one. Such a pain. I really don't like having to wait on others so that I can do my stuff. I'm much better when you give me a deadline and then leave me alone.

Anyway, I need to get to bed. Not a whole lot of news to report on the dating front. Haven't heard from the guy from the other weekend. I figure he didn't really see much their either. Oh, I do think I have a potential date with a guy I started talking to again. I think I called him Boy 2 way way back in November. I randomly emailed him and he's been IMing me everytime he's on now. Last night we did a little pic trading which was fun. He's very cute. And kind of a smartass which is definitely my type. So, whenever work cools down, hopefully I can finally meet him in person.

Where to go from here...

So, the date went well enough. I'm not really sure exactly how I felt about the whole thing. The whole day, I was nervous. So, by the time the date came around, I was kinda feeling sick. I think it was just one of those crappy days if you know what I mean. I meet him at the place where we agreed on Union Sq (not my fav part of the city, but whatever) and he was fiddling with his phone and asked if I knew anything about blackberries. Of course, I don't, so we go in and try to find a seat. The place was packed and there were no seats for people just staying for drinks. So we went to another bar next door and eventually found a little table to sit at. At that point, my stomach was still being moody, so I just decided to stick to water. (Lame, I know, but it's all I could stomach at that point.) We talked, and he was very nice. Just not sure if there was a real spark there. I just don't know if I had all that much fun on the date. It was fun meeting someone new and all, but I just didn't feel a real connection there like I had on the dates I've gone on before. There were a few pauses in the conversation too, which I haven't had happen before. Nothing really awkward, but it just didn't flow all that well or something.

After he finished his drink and had a little appetizer, we talked for a little longer and then headed out. He wanted to find a store so he could get his phone fixed so I said I'd be up for finding one with him. We talked along the way which seemed to go a lot better. My stomach wasn't as upset anymore, and I think I was starting to get a little more comfortable with him. We eventually got the phone thing figured out, and he had to go meet up with some friends. We did a hug goodbye and I walked him to his train.

All in all, he was a nice guy and I enjoyed talking to him, but just not sure if he's the right guy. I texted him after the date saying I had fun and we should get together again. Later he texted with pretty much the same response. I think if he wants to pursue something, I'd be down for meeting up again. Who knows, maybe something will click. But at this point, I'm just gonna hold off on going after him. What do you guys think. Is there like a protocol if you're just not that into him?

Someone new

Leaving in 5 min to meet a guy for a drink. I really think I have some kind of social anxiety or something because I haven't been hungry all day and have just felt kind of sick. I know as soon as the date is over though, I'll be totally fine. My mind just makes me feel this way and I know it. And it's not like I don't have fun on the date or can't talk to people, I'm just really anxious about something. I really need to look into this. Any thoughts, or does everyone get kind of anxious when they go on dates?

Change of Plans

Well, yesterday didn't go quite as planned. At all. I ended up not going on the date unfortunately.

I went into work around noon thinking I just needed to do one quick thing and then at 1 someone was coming in to look at everything and I could just touch stuff up and leave. Well, 1 turned into 2:30 and I ended up staying there to fix stuff for our submission until about 7.

I texted my date around 6 saying I was still at work and might need to postpone until 9. When I got home, I texted again asking if he was still up for catching a movie tonight. Around 830 he finally sends me a message saying he was in the subway and at the gym, whens the next show start. I told him. It was closer to 10 by that point, so it was going to be a late show. He texted back saying he was pretty beat and asked if we could do it another time during the week.

I don't know if we'll be meeting up during the week, but I'd still like to meet this guy. I'm fine with cancelling last night too. Somehow work managed to throw my whole day off. This is why I don't really make plans for the weekend very often. Inevitably I'll get stuck going into work and it will just throw everything off. It's annoying.

So yeah, no date. Not too upset or anything. Just disappointed.

Oh and it's probably a good thing we cancelled too. Because, around 1030, I get a call from the 2 people who are apparently still at work saying they're having problems with the pdfs and printing and they tell me they really need me to come back in since I know my way through the files. I was a little annoyed to be going BACK into work on a saturday night, but it was also nice to be needed, and I think it looks good to be going the extra mile on a project that I haven't even been on for a full week.

Not Sure What to Expect

So tonight I have another date setup. I signed up on this new dating site that I wasn't all too sure of at first. It seems like it's mostly used for hooking up rather than finding something more long term. I signed up anyway though, and it seemed like there were a lot of guys on there at least. Most of them just want to find someone to hookup with, but a couple have seemed genuinely interested in at least chatting and getting to know one another. But anyway, I met someone on there and we've set up a date for tonight. He's the one who emailed me. Although, when he emailed, he asked if I was interested in getting together that night. I think his exact words were "yo bro wanna fuck. looking for now." Usually this would be something I'd just delete, but he looked good and his profile sounded like he was generally a decent guy. So I replied saying something like sorry not really interested in a hookup, good luck man. Later that night I got bored though and messaged him asking if he'd had any luck finding someone and from there we started talking. We've been chatting off and on for about a week now. He seems like he's got his shit together. Not in a relationship right now, so he's just enjoying himself. Very laid back.

Anyway, I asked him if he wanted to get together this weekend and maybe watch a movie and he said he'd be down for going to a movie. I kind of was expecting more of a watching a movie at his apartment type deal, but I'm down with doing the theater too. I've just never actually gone on a date at the movies. Especially not a first date. I hope it's not awkward that we'll be sitting quietly in the dark watching a movie after only having met 20 min prior. Just seems slightly strange to me. I'm thinking maybe we meet early, get tickets, and grab a coffee before going to the movie or something. Haven't quite worked it all out just yet. But I'm excited. He's definitely a good looking guy and was very interested in maybe showing me a thing or two. ;) Haha. Hopefully we hit it off.

This might also be my first date that's not in the afternoon. So, I don't really know what the expectations are as far as going back to his apartment or going out afterwards. I think it's supposed to be raining. :( Seeing as it's a first date though, it's probably best if I don't go back just yet. Maybe save that for a second date. Haha.

I'm off to work now. On a Saturday. Shoot me. Is it really that much to ask to get a full weekend off? Honestly. This is the 3rd one in a row that I've had to go in. It's getting a little ridiculous.

Finished and a little Frustrated

Oh man. Finally done with the competition I was working on. I didn't really do a whole lot with the final design, but I've been working on the presentation material for the last week or so. It's been pretty fun. Just me and one of the associates. But since there are only two of us, it's been a lot of hours this week. I was there until 12 on Friday! And then all day on Saturday and Sunday. It wasn't awful though. Plus I get tomorrow off! I'm pretty stoked. Might do some shopping. Maybe clean up my room since everything has turned into one big pile of mail and clothes. Should do my taxes too. That's exciting... :-/

Why does it seem so hard to find a guy. I know I probably complain about this a lot, but I'm just getting a little frustrated lately. Mostly with myself as I'm realizing that I must not be the most social person. I guess I just don't have a ton of confidence going out alone. This weekend I passed up on a friends birthday celebration. My friend from work and a couple of his friends have their birthdays around the same time, so they were having a party at a bar in the LES. I wanted to go, just because he's a good friend and we really don't ever hang out outside of work events. The only thing was that no one I knew besides him was going to be there. So I was hesitant to go alone especially since, being his birthday, he probably couldn't really hang out with me most of the time. It would have just been better if I had another person to go with. He even texted me asking if I was coming that night. I felt bad saying no and that I had just gotten home from work and was exhausted. Even though I had just gotten home from work, I probably could have gone. This is why I'm frustrated. I can't seem to get myself out there and then I get annoyed that I haven't met anyone.

Anyway. Looking forward to a nice day to myself tomorrow.

Busy Busy

Sorry I've been so awful at keeping up to date with this thing. I've been crazy busy with work the last week. It's Friday night and I just got home at midnight. Monday can't get here soon enough!

I know this is probably the most boring post you've ever read, so sorry for that. I'll try to post something slightly interesting when I'm not about to pass out.

Hope You're Not Expecting Much

Well, not a whole lot going on lately. I just felt bad having gone so long without posting.

The boy from the date is kind of drifting off I think. I don't know how much longer we'll be "friends" unless he suddenly starts putting some effort into communication. I sent him a couple messages earlier in the week and didn't get much response. So I just counted him out and assumed he was cutting off communication. Whatever. But then yesterday I emailed him just to see what's up because I was bored at work. Probably not a great move - I don't want to be that guy - but surprisingly he replied. He said he was on his way to NJ, but that was about it. I told him to email if he has some time this weekend and he said he'd drop me a line. We'll see. I figure if it doesn't happen, then it's just not something I should be worrying about.

It's just kind of lame when you have people show up on your facebook and are just reminded that they're still out there but aren't interested in talking to you. I mean I know I read way too much into things, but I probably should take these guys that I have little chance of ever meeting again off of there. Honestly though, it's facebook. I'd rather have some link. You know, just in case. Haha. Never know when you might need to contact some one for anything really. It's the beauty and curse of facebook.

Well, otherwise, work is going well. I'm on a competition now, which is actually a cool project. Nice to be working on a single building as opposed to huge masterplans. Only problem is that it's a small team, so if I have something really labor intensive to do (which I do), I end up having to spend a lot of time doing it on my own.

Alright. I think that's pretty good for not really having anything to say in this post. I promise that if anything interesting happens, I'll get it on here ASAP. ;)

Up and Down

Not a lot happening at the moment. Work is beyond boring, although today I've found ways to keep myself busy. Last week we had a deadline and when I came back to work on Tuesday, I was told that I was moving to another project but wasn't told which. So I asked emailed all the principals asking what I should be working on, and no one emailed me back.

This worried me. I mean, I'm not as worried as I was in January when it seemed like something might happen, but it would still be a big change if I got laid off. Our boss comes back on Friday, so I was thinking that maybe they already knew that I'd be getting laid off and no one wanted to get me started on anything just to end up going a few days later.

Well today one of the principals was working on something near my desk and commented on how quiet it was over there. And of course I try to play it off, yeah it's been like this for a while now. I've got lots of space to spread out over here. He then asks me what I'm working on. Heh. Today I had literally returned a pair of shoes that I bought online and updated my resume a bit. That's it. It was prob around 4 by now...

He then goes on to say that everyone was clamoring over what to do with me when I sent that email. I was like, umm ok, well I never heard anything. It sounded like they were waiting until everyone was back in New York to decide who is working on what. I think the Croatia project is back on, so hopefully I'll be put on that. We'll see I suppose.

In other news, that guy is sending me mixed signals. Maybe they're not signals in his mind, but to me, they're kind of confusing. Like yesterday morning he IMs me asking how my night was. I talked to him for a minute saying I was on my way to work and that I'd shoot him an email. So I sent one after I got settled at work. No response all day (and this is the guy who sent me like 30 emails a day last week. short ones, but still). So I'm bored out of my mind all day because I literally have nothing to do, and I email him something dumb around 3:30. He writes me back and we email back and forth a couple times. He then sends me a text saying goodnight later that night. This morning I send him an IM just saying whats up and shoot me an email if you get a minute later today. Nothing.

I know I'm obviously reading into this more than I should, but I just liked having someone to do the whole back and forth all day thing with. I guess this is what "just being friends" meant. Limited contact. :-\

And That's That

Well, that was certainly short lived. I guess I got my hopes up too much. I didn't really hear from the guy yesterday save for a couple messages in the morning and maybe one or two at night. He was out of the city all day and then said that he was sorry but his phone had died during the day. Ok.

But then this morning I'm talking to him on aim and he disappears all of a sudden. I then get an email saying that he keeps getting kicked off. He then says.. I had a really great time this weekend. Think we should be friends though. Cool?

My heart sank a little. I mean, it was only one date, so it's not like I'm owed any explanation, but I of course am wondering why. Especially since it seemed like everything went well on the date itself. My only thought is that I just wasn't flirty enough and maybe he got more of a friend vibe from that. I really don't know.

I think he may be serious about being friends though. At least, I hope he is. I can always use a gay friend who kind of knows what he's doing. Right now, I'm just a little hurt is all. I'm not really sure what I want. I guess I'll just think it over. For now, the ball is in his court. I know I don't want to be the desperate guy who can't handle the rejection. If he wants to do the whole friendship thing, that's his prerogative. I'm game if he is.

First Date

So I went on the first date with the guy I met online. We met in the park and then walked over to the restaurant we were going to for brunch. The initial meeting was slightly awkward, haha, seeing as how I went in for the handshake (we hadn't met in person up to this point) and then had to switch to the hug midway. Awkward... I'm a retard. He thought it was funny I think. Then we had a really nice brunch. Mostly just talking and telling each other a lot of things about ourselves. He was really easy to talk to. I must have some sort of anxiety problem though and maybe the fact that I had had a HUGE mimosa before we had even ordered didn't help, but once the food came, the thought of eating just immediately made me nautious. I was having a really good time and I felt pretty comfortable, but for some reason, and this isn't the first time this has happened, I just could not eat ANYTHING. It's not like it was a lot of food either. I took a bite of the english muffin and immediately felt like it was a mistake. I ended up not taking another bite and having them clear my untouched plate. The situation was slightly embarrasing. He seemed to think nothing of it, but I was still embarrassed. After that, I just stuck to water while he proceeded to drink 4 bloody marys. Haha. We then walked over to the waterfront. It was way chillier than the morning though, so that kind of sucked. We ended up holding hands by the time we got there. And then we walked to the end of one of the piers and sat in the grass. It was pretty deserted (seeing as how it was freezing out) save for a couple runners. We ended up laying in the grass and making out quite a bit. It was really nice and I wasn't self conscious at all about being in a public place making out with another guy. (It was freezing and we were in the West Village though, so of all places...). Eventually though, I couldn't stop shivering (literally like 36 degrees out and we were on the water. cold!) and so we had to call it a day. I walked him back into the city and put him in a cab. Gave him a kiss goodbye and told him I'd text him later. All in all, it was a very good date. Minus the potential for vommiting half way through and the loss of feeling in my fingers by the end, I had a great time. I think I really like him so far and am hopeful there will be many more dates to come.

Excited

Sorry I haven't posted all week. Work has been crazy with this deadline we have tomorrow. I've been stuck at my desk until midnight every night this week.

It particularly sucks because I've been trying to bump this date up to drinks one night this week. But it just wasn't possible. So far, I'm really liking this guy. We email each other all day long. I think we're both the type of person who has to get the last word in. Like, if someone ever emails me, I always have to respond even if it's just something trivial. We're both really excited for Saturday. I just hope we don't get our hopes up too high, although, from what I know about him so far, I think we'll have a lot of fun together. My only worry is how to make it date fun and not just friend fun. Flirting has never been my forte really, so I hope he's more agressive than I am.

We're going to brunch Saturday afternoon at this place that has unlimited champagne with brunch. Could be risky considering I don't want to be wasted from the get go. I'd rather end on drinks. But hey, I'm just excited to finally meet the guy.

Anyway. That's what's goin on. Time to crash. Friday is FINALLY here.

Something on the Horizon

I have to work this weekend. Ugh. I don't have to work the entire weekend necessarily, but I need to go in for a couple hours each day at least. I'm thinking I'll go in tomorrow afternoon and then Sunday evening. I really haven't had to work on a weekend in a while though, so really, it's not the end of the world.

In other news, next weekend I'm going on a date. I'm pretty excited about it. It's another guy I met online. We've been sending each other emails back and forth, and he seems really fun and amusing. He's pretty darn cute too. And a very good dresser. Always a plus. I've been facebook stalking him of course and haven't found anything that would be a deal breaker. Not really sure what we're doing yet. But probably getting a little lunch or a drink or something. It's just a first date, so probably something during the day. If anyone has any first date suggestions (that won't break the bank), definitely leave a comment.

Making an Attempt

I really need to figure out how to be more aggressive when it comes to pursuing guys. Well, I know how to be more aggressive, but I guess I'm just not comfortable with it yet. I manage to meet guys online and strike up a conversation over the course of several emails, but eventually they just sort of fizzle out. At some point someone needs to ask the other on a date, but I just never go there on my own. I've been a shy, quiet guy my whole life though, so really, this isn't a huge surprise. But, if I ever want to find a guy, I'm going to have to up my game, which, considering I have pretty much NO game, has nowhere to go but up. I've been talking to this guy online the last couple days. I think he's pretty attractive from the pictures on his profile. Seems to have a good sense of style. Funny. He gave me his number to text him, but I'm not really sure what to text to someone whom I hardly know. I would like to though, just because he kind of went out on a limb with giving it to me after only a couple messages between us. I think I might want to go out to lunch or something with him at some point. Could be fun... Hopefully this time I'll actually be able to finish my meal. I can barely finish my food on a regular day, let alone on a date. It's all nerves and being anxious about meeting a new person whose personality I'm not really used to. Always fun. Luckily I have the opposite problem when it comes to drinking. Awkward lulls in the conversation make me drink more rather than less, which, I suppose, can be considered either good or bad. Since my tolerance is pretty low lately, it's probably not that great in the long run.

Last night I went up to Union Square to the Strand to hear my boss give a little talk for a small crowd. It was pretty interesting. I always enjoy hearing him talk because he goes off on all these weird tangents. And even though he's in the office everyday, it's not like we really get much interaction with him. Afterwards, a coworker asked me if I wanted to grab a drink. I guess I was feeling in a generous mood, because, even though I was hungry and had about 4 hrs of shows recording to watch at home, I said yes, figuring it would only be a drink. Well it ended up being 2 drinks for me, and somehow 4 for my friend. I managed to get a little buzz from the 2, but I knew I'd wake up with a headache in the morning if I had any more. So I cut myself off. Plus, I'm poor, and drinking in New York is SOO expensive. I'll have to start drinking at home more often. You know, just to get my tolerance up. Summer is on it's way sooner or later.

Sorry this is such a boring post. I think I just felt like typing, haha.

Close Encounter

So yesterday I took the ferry from Wall St to Ikea so my roommate could carry some table home he wanted to buy. But on the way back, we were walking up Water St and I passed this guy on the sidewalk who looked really familiar. It took me a second or two until I realized it was Chad White. I'm pretty sure it was. He was wearing a nice dark coat and no sunglasses, so I got a pretty good look at his face even if it was more of a glance.

Anyway, pretty cool seeing someone like that just walking alone down here. I don't know what he would be doing on Water St. There's nothing down there. Especially on a Sunday. Wish I had been walking alone so I could pull the "hey do I know you from somewhere line". Haha. Like I'd ever be that confident. I'm pretty sure I hadn't shaved for like 4 days and didn't do anything to my hair that morning, so I probably looked like shit. But hey, it's Ikea. In Brooklyn. I wasn't expecting anything so to speak. Haha.

Coasting

Does anyone else just get tired of the life they're living? Not that I don't like my life, but I think I'm getting into a rut and playing it a little too safe lately. I think the weather may have a lot to do with it though. These last couple weeks have just been so damn cold, that I haven't wanted to do anything. This weekend, which actually wasn't that cold, I literally couldn't think of a reason that I needed to leave my apartment on Sunday. Sure, I could go do stuff, but the things I actually felt like doing would have cost money, which I'm trying really hard to save right now. I think the whole lack of job security thing has just kind of put a damper on the last couple weeks. My life just feels very cautious at the moment, like I'm trying to play it a little too conservatively or something.

I'm almost envious of my friends who got laid off in some ways. They're heading in new and exciting paths that I'm sure when they look back on it, they'll be really glad that they had that push to change gears. I know that I'll be changing gears eventually though. I still have grad school to go back to, and that'll afford me the chance to potentially go down some new roads. I've always wanted to work in Europe, and I definitely think I will at some point. Coming to New York though, I just feel so at home. It would be hard to just pick up and leave with out some intermediate step or something.

On a side note, I'm such a TV geek. LOST this week was just awesome. Awesome! Some people might not have been as excited by it, but I'm currently watching Season 1 on DVD, so it's been on my mind the last couple days. Last year, when I moved to New York, I was staying with friends on their couch. They happened to all be watching Season 2 on DVD when I got there, so I was pretty much forced to start watching. Didn't really have any way to get away from it. Haha. So, I hadn't seen Season 1 and half of 2. But, having watched everything since then, it is still so much fun watching the older episodes. You pick up on a lot of stuff that probably made absolutely no sense if you were watching it from the start. I think I'm still just overly excited from tonight's episode. Sorry for boring anyone.

Finally

Sweats...
Pizza...
Beer...
30 Rock...
And still employed...

A perfect Friday night after a long week.

Feeling a little more confident about my job these last couple days. We just started a new project in Croatia for a huge huge masterplan. Like seriously the size of manhattan almost. We won't be designing the entire thing of course, but it's still a very big project. I think it's the first project I've been on to see the beginning phase. It's a little daunting, but I think it will be good for me. We also start some competition in Rio soon which is a lot smaller. I'd like to work on that as well. I've been doing a lot of stuff on masterplans over the past several months, so a single building would be a welcome change.

Other than that, life is pretty quiet. I didn't do anything this weekend. I watched a couple movies. Did some grocery shopping. That was probably about it. I had to work on Sunday. Even though it was only a couple hours, it still blew the whole day. Just knowing that you should be going into work makes it THAT much harder to get out of bed. I was shooting to get in by 2, but it turned into 430. I left at 7 too. Haha. And then went in early this morning. It's ridiculous. You can tell everyone is a little worried, because pretty much the entire office was in by 10. A month ago, there were probably 5 people in by 10. Crazy. I guess everyone just wants to play it safe for a little while. Even though no one with any kind of decision making power actually gets in before 10 or 1030. I just happened to need to finish my stuff. Tomorrow I'll be in at 10. Or my usual 1015.

I'm sure this is scintillating reading. Haha. I want this cold weather to go away. Maybe i have S.A.D. I never thought that I did before, but this year I've just kind of been a little down. Hmm... I should call some friends and definitely get out of the apartment this weekend. I'll probably have to work though. :(

Quiet Week

It's been a pretty quiet week. The office has felt very empty and I can tell that my energy is just down. More so than usual. I never realized that a lack of job security could weigh on you so much. I'm certainly not the only person in the office who's concerned. Pretty much everyone is. The only thing I have going for me is that I'm definitely the cheapest person they have. Which is good and bad I suppose. I'm not necessarily much of a designer. At least, I haven't really shined in that capacity in the year that I've been there. Model making and craft is something I'm extremely good at though, so I suppose that's of some value. Hopefully.

My friend came to visit this weekend. It was a good visit. Good to see him. My roommate was friends with him as well. It was good because I didn't feel the need to constantly entertain him. I guess I'm just kind of lazy / selfish like that. Haha. I think he had fun. Although, we could both tell that he seemed a little off. Before he left, he told us about some relationship stuff he's had going on recently. Poor guy is kind of in a tough situation at the moment. I didn't really know how to respond when he told me because it involved another friend of mine whom he has been dating. It was just a little awkward. Aside from that, we had a good time. Saw a lot of the city. Showed him the office. Went out to eat. All that good stuff. It was SOOO cold last weekend though that it made doing anything outdoors pretty unbearable.

Oh. And apparently he has known I am gay for a long long time. I didn't really pry as to how he "figured it out", but I do kind of wonder if it was something specific or just kind of putting the pieces together. I mean, I figure I'm a decent normal guy. Haven't had a girlfriend since ever pretty much. And I don't have any declared "interested in:" on facebook. I think it pretty much goes without saying that I'm gay. Haha. Anyway, he told me in an email he sent a day or two after he was back. He sent one to my roommate and I saying thanks for having him and also apologizing for any awkwardness. But then I also got a second one saying he was aware I was gay and just saying that he's obviously cool with it, blah blah blah. I'm glad he said it. One less person to worry about "coming out" to. I just don't like having to deal with the whole conversation and formality of it. Just ask me and I'll tell you the truth. Easy and over with.

I also managed to meet up with two of my friends who got laid off. Very sad that I'll probably hardly see them from now on. I really hope something big happens at the office and we can just hire people back on. I don't know if they'd take it, but it's my pie in the sky dream. Lol. They both seemed in better spirits. Just rolling with the punches. They're still young, so it's not like it's some crisis for them.

That's pretty much all that's gone on this last week. I'll probably be working this weekend at some point. :( But at least I guess I still have a job, so I should be grateful... I guess

Upsetting Day

So I've been pretty on edge for most of the week and here's why:

Tuesday evening my friend who's higher up in the office than I am tells me that she was told that 13 people are being let go tomorrow (wednesday). So I think "yikes, that sucks". And then I realize that I'm one of the least-experienced people in the office and I haven't been busy since the break. Hmmm. I proceed to kind of freak out a bit for the next hour.

It's very unnerving going into work knowing that something bad will happen any minute. Looking at your coworkers and knowing that they have no idea that their job may or may not be gone by the end of the day. It really made me sick to my stomach. However, Wednesday came and went. No layoffs. By the end of Thursday, I was much calmer about it. I had just come out of a meeting with my team and we all felt there was enough work to go around.

Today, however, the shit hit the fan. Around 345 I see all the principals and our boss gathered near the conference room with rather grim looks on their faces. As I'm walking by I glance in and see a handful of people who I know aren't on the same team standing in there. That's when I realized they're letting people go. A whole group.

10 people out of the 70 or so who work in our office got laid off today. We all work very closely together and everyone in the office is there because they are good at what they do. It's a high profile firm, so the people they hire are quality workers. You could tell that it was extremely difficult for them to lay off even just one person. I mean, how do you choose.

By some miracle, however, I wasn't chosen. Some of those who were, were real surprises. Some of them were really close friends. Actually two of them, guy and a girl, were probably my closest friends in the whole office. It was extremely sad. The guy was sad but more in a "what can you do" kind of way. My other friend though was definitely upset. It especially sucks for her because she's not a US citizen, so if she can't find a job, she has to go back home. When they actually left, I was ready to start crying. Like I seriously had to walk away from my desk. I just can't imagine how shitty that feels.

Maybe I don't handle change very well. Especially when it concerns people I care about. I really hope things turn around and we get more work and can bring people back. The principals brought all of us who were left together and told us what had happened afterwards. They said how difficult it is and unavoidable and that if things pick up, these are the first people they'll be calling to bring back on. I don't know how likely that will be, but I really hope they are able to come back.

Anyway, it was just a very sad day and I'm counting myself extremely lucky that I still have a job, but that doesn't mean I'm not still ready to cry just thinking about my friends and what they're going through right now. :(

Droppin' Some Cash

I just got back from Soho. My problem with shopping is that I usually do it when I have something specific I need to buy, and then I usually don't find something and end up going home empty handed. I have trouble just spending money on things I don't actually need or don't totally love. Mostly because there isn't a lot of money to spend and that's just how I was raised. But today I needed a coat. And I knew where I wanted to go looking for it. G-Star.

The first time I went there, it was a couple months ago on my first date with Boy 1, who is pretty much out of the picture even though I'll admit, I'd be pretty excited if I did ever hear from him again. That time, I got a pair of pants on sale that I wasn't sure about at first, but now I really like them a lot. Anyway, I get there today and all the coats were on sale. Sweet. Pretty much everything in there was on sale actually. Thank you financial meltdown. So I ended up finding one and dropping over 200 bucks on it. Oops. Haha. But I needed it, and I really like it, so the money doesn't really bother me.

I actually really like being able to buy myself things like that. Things I know are way too much money to spend, but I also know are really nice. I've lately gotten into buying high-end jeans (on sale of course). Ever since that last pair I got at G-Star, actually. I remember, in high school, I thought 80 bucks was a lot for a pair of jeans at the mall. Recently though, I spent 180 on a pair from Barneys. They are by far the best jeans I've ever had. I guess that's one thing for being young and single. Disposable income. :)

A Little Bit Wary

So one of my best friends from college emailed me today. He's coming to visit me in the city next weekend apparently. He's kind of a strange guy. Very personable and easy to get along with, but he can kind of be an asshole sometimes, lol, so he doesn't have many close friends that are willing to put up with him. Initially, I had a crush on him and thought he was pretty likely gay, but over the past couple years (and upon finding out he's definitely straight via a couple heart to hearts) we've gotten to be just really good friends. At school, we used to just hang out when we had any free time and watched movies together. One summer we did a road trip to SC and went camping for a couple days. Just normal friend stuff.

Anyway. He emailed me today and said he's excited about coming to visit. He hopes I've got some stuff lined up to do and that he wants to go out and let loose. He also asked if I've got any hot girlfriends. This would probably be normal guy talk, but I've never really been that kind of friend with him. I mean, I've never told him I was gay, but I assume he would have been a little suspicious by now since I NEVER talk about that stuff. He's also not the type to go out to bars either. Like EVER! I seriously can't remember ever seeing him drink. Maybe wine, but I'm not really sure. Anyway, I just found it kind of weird and not something I expected to come from him.

So now I have to figure out what to do with him next weekend. Luckily he already knows one of my roommates from school, so it's not like I have to do all of the entertaining. Maybe I'll see if some of our other classmates who are in the city want to hang out one night and go to a bar or something. I've been meaning to get together with some of them anyway. Otherwise, I have no idea what we should do. Last time I visited him up in Boston (like a year ago) we wandered around Cambridge and then saw a movie that night. Went to dinner, but that was pretty much it. I'm not entirely sure what he's expecting.

Is it bad that I want him to sleep in my bed with me? Lol. It's happened before, but we were sharing a hotel room. We do have two couches in the LR, so it probably wouldn't make a whole lot of sense. Maybe I'll just have to get him really drunk. Haha. I wish he weren't so damn attractive. He has one of those soccer player bodies that totally do it for me.

I've got over a week to figure all this out though, so we'll see what happens. Watch me end up getting asked on a date or something for that weekend and have to turn it down. I really wouldn't be surprised. Haha.