Late Night

So it's almost 3 on Saturday night. You'd think I would be just getting home from a bar or something. But no. I've been home all night. Haha. And most of the day too. Just a very boring day, with nothing specific that I really needed to do, and not one specific to really do anything with. But that's not what I feel like talking about.

I used to write another blog before I started this one. But it wasn't public. It was mostly just a place for me to write down all the things I wish I had someone to tell them to. A place to just lay it all out there without any kind of judgement. Anyway, I was reading through some of the old posts and realized how depressing they were. I mean, I probably only get on this blog to complain about things and generally to vent as well, but I must have been pretty lonely a year or two ago. I guess it was around when I was finishing school and then starting a new job, so life was kind of up in the air and I just didn't have a very strong footing on what my life was at the time. It kind of sucked at the time, not knowing where I'd end up. And then when I finally got here, I was still sleeping on a couch, starting a new job with new people, and then looking for a place to live as well. Didn't leave a lot of room for dating. Haha. So, I think I might share some of these posts. Mostly because I don't really feel like writing about much else right now. Haha.

So, this is June 16 2007

I haven't posted for nearly three whole months. Wow. But suddenly I'm feeling kind of depressed again. I have no idea why, but I just got home and I feel sad. I just feel sad and don't know what about. I got back from a night of hanging out with M who I don't really get to see as often as I thought I would this summer. As usual, he's really busy with all the million things he's doing. I wish I were as active as he is. Anyway, it was a strange night. I emailed him yesterday just saying we should get dinner or something tonight, and we ended up going to the Shebeen which is a pretty nice restaurant. It kinda felt like a date, especially since we went to see a movie afterward. We saw Knocked Up which I guess is what put me in this weird mood. I think my mind is in the whole love and babies and real life mindset, and I guess I'm really scared of all those things. I don't have anyone to love. At least not anyone who loves me back. I don't foresee any babies in the near future. Maybe ever (How sad is that? I really feel like shit writing that down.). Real life is also up in the air. Once again I have no idea where I will be three months from now or what I will be doing. All I know is that right now, I am here. Alone. And as far as I can tell wherever I am in three months, odds are that I'll be there. Just as alone.

Umm. Yeah... Could I be more emo? Lol. That's the guy who came to visit me this winter. We were friends in college and still keep in touch. I used to have a pretty big crush on him then, but have since managed to move on. Haha. I don't know if I mentioned it, but not too soon after he visited he emailed me saying that he knew I was gay and has always known and just wanted to let me know that he didn't care. Blah blah blah. It was nice that he was just totally upfront about it. That's how I'd prefer people to be honestly. Just frank and to the point. I'm also not one to be easily offended or get my feelings very hurt, so maybe not everyone feels the same way.

Ok. It's way too late to be up writing. I'm just going to end up babbling on about nothing. Night all.