Saturday, November 29, 2008

Enticing Offer

So I just got off an AIM chat with this guy whom I've been "friends" with on one of those dating websites. I don't know why I friended him. I guess the one picture he had was cute, but I could tell from what he wrote in his profile that he was probably just looking for a hook up. But I accepted his friend request anyway. This was months ago probably. So tonight I'm online talking to this other guy, who's way out of my league and nothing will probably come from that (always hope though), and this guy (we'll call him... Chad) sends me an IM. So I start talking to him. Innocent stuff at first, about how we've been "friends", but never actually talked. Blah, blah, blah. So I say how I'm bored, just hanging out at home. He says "Well want to make your night a little more interesting?" Now, I'm no rocket scientist, but I think it's pretty clear what that means if you read between the lines. He asks me if I want to come over and hang out at his place. Mind you, it's 1:30 in the morning. I'm not the type to stick to any kind of bedtime, but even I think that's a little late to be heading out, let alone travelling from downtown to queens. I tell him I'm flattered, but it's pretty late and random hookups aren't really my thing. He laughs and says I'm being a bit presumptuous. As the conversation goes on, he essentially admits that that is what he had in mind. I've pretty firmly said no thanks, but this guy is intriguing for some reason. He's very persistent, which is kind of a weakness for me (I'll admit it. I have trouble saying no more than once.) Also, I've only got one picture of this guy to go off of, so I don't really even know if I'm attracted to him. I ask him if he has any others and he sends me a couple. He's fine looking. Not really pushing me off the fence one way or another though. Eventually, we get past that and actually have a decent conversation. But come 2 am he's tired and is going to go to bed. He wants to meet up tomorrow at some point he says. I tell him to just IM me. I ask him if he has facebook (obviously looking for some more info to go on here), but he says he's not really out, so he doesn't give that to people he isn't already friends with. K... I guess I buy that. Oh, he also mentions he went to Harvard. Damn it. Suddenly I'm finding you interesting.

Honestly, I haven't had any kind of dating life before, and all of a sudden in the last month or so, I've got three potentials. It's a bit much really. Chad also mentioned that he's not really looking for a relationship right now but would like to meet some friends. I think by friends he means fuck buddies. I'd kind of like to see where things with Boy 1 and Boy 2 are going before I do anything with Chad. Although, Chad made it perfectly clear that he was ready and willing to show me the ropes. I honestly did consider putting my clothes back on and getting on a train, but I really don't like the idea of going over there knowing that it's not going to lead to anything more that a hook up and will probably just confuse me. Did I make the right decision to take life a little slower or should I have just jumped into the deep end?

After writing this all out, I think I'll tell him tomorrow that I'm kind of seeing two other guys right now (even though neither of them have really become much yet), and until I know what is going on with them, I'm not really looking to complicate things further, even if he's just looking for some fun and nothing complicated. I don't think that's what I'm looking for. I'm not just looking for fun, I'm looking for someone to be with. And I don't think that that someone is him right now.

I don't want to lead this guy on, but I don't want to just say sorry not interested. How do I say no thanks now, but maybe later without actually saying it. Haha

Friday, November 28, 2008

New Prospects

Sorry I've been so MIA this week. Work was super busy, trying to finish up a bunch of stuff before the holiday. And then I was in Jersey (eek) for Thanksgiving, so no computer for the last two days. Not too much going on. I still haven't heard from "Boy 1" at all this week. I was waiting in line yesterday to get a train ticket (45 minutes!) and got bored and started texting people. I texted him "Hey. Happy Thanksgiving! Hope you're enjoying your time at home." I get a text back... "You too. Happy Thanksgiving!" Damn it! I don't get this lack of communication and then the communication I do get is totally ambiguous. I guess things will come to some resolution this week when he's back in the city. We'll see...

At the moment I've also been talking to another guy who I've met online. He's so fucking adorable and we're in the same line of work. From what I've seen on facebook, he's pretty cute. Apparently he thinks I'm "really hot", but I don't know what he's talking about. I guess I'm just insecure when it comes to that sort of thing. So we've been talking online. He's away too until tomorrow I think, so we still have to do a real date. I kind of feel weird about possibly dating two people at once, but at this point, I think it's stupid to worry about that. If I end up continuing to date them both, then I may have some serious thinking to do. At the moment, "Boy 1"s only "con" is that I haven't seen him for weeks. As for "Boy 2", he's much more experienced with relationships (etc.) than I am, so I'm not sure if I'm intimidated by that. He also smokes pot a handful of times a month. I think for some people that would be a problem, but I don't think it is for me. I mean "Boy 1" smokes cigarettes, and not just when he's drunk (like I have been know to do on occasion). I'm definitely planning on meeting up with "Boy 2". We'll see where it goes from there.

PS - Just saw "MILK" today. It was really good. It got me pretty worked up. If I had wanted to, I could have totally been bawling. I kept it to some manly welling up, especially considering that I was with my brother, cousin, aunt, and grandma. Who would have thought they would have picked that movie. But, I'm glad they did. I never realized how tolerant they were. It gives me a lot of hope that when I finally decide to come out to my family that they will be ok with it. I already know they will, but it's just not something I'm prepared for yet.

Monday, November 24, 2008


So it's now been two weeks and counting since I've actually seen him again. He's home for the week for Thanksgiving, so for now he's pretty much off the hook and I'm just waiting it out. Apparently he's had to work crazy hard for school these last two weeks in order to take this week off. He said that he really just needed to focus on school right now. I'm not sure if that means right now as in these next couple weeks or right now as in at this point in my life. I've sent him texts and IM's, but there's been limited response. A couple apologies for not being able to talk. I'm really not sure how to read the situation at all. I feel like he's blowing me off, but if that were the case, why wouldn't he just cut off all communication. I also don't really know where that would be coming from either since I was under the impression that the two dates we've been on went pretty well. Yeah there were awkward moments, but a date's no fun if you can't remember certain moments and think "god i'm an idiot". Plus he told me that he was having a really good time. Really not sure what's up. For now, like I said, I'm just waiting it out. No contact this week from me. If that's what he wants, then fine. We'll see how things shape up when he's back in town next week. Although I'm sure he'll just have to start studying for finals... Ugh. Frustrating. Luckily I already have a replacement all lined up if this one falls through. More on that later.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

A Week Later

So after the awkward goodbye, we talked online off and on for the week. We decided that we would meet up that weekend to watch a movie at his place. So I went over. I was a little nervous again, but when I saw him waiting for me, it all went away and I was really excited to see him. The greeting was kinda funny. I think he wanted to avoid the handshake too, but his way of avoiding it was apparently to give a high five. Unfortunately I had a plan too, which was a hug. So, we awkwardly met somewhere in the middle of each. I told him I'm not the high-five type anyway.

So we go up to his place. It was so sweet. I could tell he had cleaned up and made his bed and everything. He had a little candle lit, which was really cute. We ordered pizza and went to pick it up. We got a bottle of wine on the way. I don't know what's wrong with me though. When we got back, I had absolutely no appetite. I barely finished one slice of pizza. Maybe I was getting sick or maybe it was just nerves. I don't know. But I felt like such an idiot. Apparently it didn't affect my ability to drink half the bottle of wine in 30 minutes though. Haha.

We put on the movie and started watching it. Get Smart. Maybe it was the wine, but neither of us had any clue about what was going on. Nothing really happened though. We were just sort of leaning on each other. Holding hands. Trying to actually figure out what was happening in the ridiculous movie we were watching. After the movie, we watched some tv and he asked if i wanted to spend the night. I thought about it and said sure. So I spent the night and we just cuddled and spooned. Nothing happened though. I'm not really used to having company while I sleep, so for me it wasn't the best night's sleep i've ever had. Plus I think the wine was making me sick. It definitely was when I woke up. I felt like shit. After laying there trying to fall back to sleep I told him that I was heading home. I really felt crappy and I just needed to be home in my own bed to get some actual sleep. I gave him a kiss, told him we'd talk later, and headed home.

More to come... Sort of.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

First Date

Oh wow. How long has it been? I started this blog on the 4th of July and now it's already time for Thanksgiving. They're putting up Christmas lights in our neighborhood. Not too much has changed since I started this blog over the summer. Work is the same. We've got projects to work on and no one seems too worried about the economy going south.

As for the personal life, not a whole lot of news to report there either. I've been using Dlist trying to meet new people online. It hasn't really led to anything much. But, a few weeks ago I messaged this guy who I thought sounded and looked like a decent guy and we ended up talking online and getting along quite well. I was going home that whole weekend for family stuff (long story) though, so it wasn't until a week later that we actually met up. We went to a little sandwich place for brunch. It was fun. We found the same things odd like the oddly indifferent wait staff, the drapes that people had to paw their way through just to get in, and the funny strawberry that came with my salad. We each got soup and a half sandwich. I think I probably got the same sandwich I got there when I went a year ago. The food was very good, but of course my appetite was being a bit temperamental that day, so I couldn't even finish my half a sandwich. What the hell is wrong with me. I think it may have been due in part to the fact that I'd never actually gone on a date with a guy before. Maybe... After brunch we went shopping around Soho. We stopped in a couple stores that neither of us could afford and complained about how we wish we could actually shop in these places. Then we went to Starbucks and got some coffee. It was still just warm enough that we could walk around w/o a jacket, so we went to the park nearby and sat and talked about dogs and movies. It was really sweet and I decided I really like his personality. After that, we decided to go get a drink, so he took me to this place in his neighborhood that had really cheap drinks. I had too and (probably due to the lack of food in my system) started feeling a little buzz. It started getting dark, so we decided to part ways. I mean it was a first date, so it's not like we were going home together. I'm sure some people would argue me on that, but I'm just not that comfortable with that just yet. We got to where we had to turn and me, being the inept person I am, shook his hand and said I had a good time. I really wish I had hugged him at least. I think I was still a little nervous about it being a first date. I texted him as I was walking away to say that I had a really good time and I hoped we could get together again. He texted me back saying that aside from the awkward goodbye (my bad), he had a really good time too and definitely wanted to get together again. I was pretty happy. :)

To be continued...