Most Random Text EVER

So I'm laying in bed talking to a friend on gchat. It's 1:30am. I'm about to go to sleep and my phone buzzes that I have a text.

Boy 1 : You never kissed me. You never even tried. I guess I am still wondering about that.

Me: This is the most random text ive ever gotten. are you ok? i mean we can talk about this if you want man.

Boy 1: I always aim to please in the random department. And I'm fine. And I was just wondering about it.

Me : haha. well did you know that you were the first guy i ever went on a date with? first guy i ever held hands with. did you think it was you? i hope not. :(

Boy 1 : These are all things that could have previously been brought to my attention. I revoke my initial inquiry.

Boy 1: I kinda thought it was me.

Me: oh fuck. I feel like shit now. but if i remember correctly i did try pretty hard to keep in touch for a while there.

Boy 1: No no no. I'm not trying to make you fell bad at all. You keeping in touch made me wonder even more. I guess that's what prompted this. Just forget it! :/

Me: not that i blame you, but i wish i had asked more about you and [your ex]. i guess i assumed you two had been done for a while. took me a bit to piece that together.

Boy 1: Okay well now I have nothing to say back to that. G'night.

Me: don't worry about it man. im still really glad we met when we did. question though... even if i had kissed you, you'd still be with [your ex] right?

Boy 1: Idk.

Me: you're sure everything's ok tonight?

Boy 1: Yes. Stop worrying. We'll talk later.

Me: haha. ok ok. well it was good hearin from you [boy1]. random. but good. :) sorry i confused you. def ttyl. night kiddo.

Is it just me or was this TOTALLY out of the blue. Not gonna lie, I was kind of excited to hear from him. We haven't really kept in touch that much. I tried for a while to meet up with him again. But eventually realized that he had gotten back with his ex. We're still friends on facebook and every now and then I'll send him a message in response to a funny status update. It's more like every few months. We did talk once on aim and he told me that he and his ex had indeed gotten back together. He said he felt weird talking about it. I'm the type of person who wants the truth. Even if it's not what I want to hear, I still want the truth. Otherwise I form my own conclusions and that's just not good.

Anyway, I kinda want to know what the hell prompted that. Like, who thinks that when they're in a relationship with someone else? This guy and he have been together for years as far as I can tell. It's just very very odd. I guess I'm the only other guy in a while besides the boyfriend who he's been with. So maybe he feels guilty all of a sudden. I don't know. Maybe he and his boyfriend aren't doing so great right now? No clue. Seriously. Just beyond random. Haha.

Long Day

Today was such a long day. Well, it felt like a long day at least. Got out of work at 5:30, but had been up on my feet all day for a worshop meeting. I was also in the office from 10am to 4am last night and only got about 3 hours of sleep. I'm exhausted. But I'm at the point where if I go to sleep now, I'll just wake up at midnight and not be able to sleep.

I was gonna take a little nap, but instead I got a call from from someone I've never talked to before. My friend from Jersey who I mentioned a LONG while ago I think. We've been chatting online and gotten really really close since we met in November. But until tonight we've never actually spoken to each other. Just talking on AIM or gchat. We're really close friends, like I would tell him absolutely anything. Things I wouldn't tell anyone else. I don't know how we got so close. I think he just had a lot of tough times this year and I helped talk him through it. I think in the process I've gotten a really big crush on him though. Like he's super cute and very sexy. I didn't think he was my type at first, but something about his personality is really attractive to me. Unfortunately I didn't realize any of this until he's with someone else. He's been seeing this guy and now, according to him, they're in love. I mean, I could have met him sooner, but it just never happened. I'm glad he's happy though. And we've both said to each other that if we're ever single at the same time again, we're going on a date. Anyway, he gave me a call on his way home from work because we've been saying how we need to talk one of these days. We chatted for about 20 minutes which was really really nice. Definitely brightened my day. :) Ugh. But I'm still crushin pretty hard on the guy. Haha.

As for Astoria guy... not really sure where things are at. It's really like we've only been dating for a week. I'm ready to move forward, but I don't know what he's thinking. I didn't hear from him all weekend which was kind of weird. But I also told him I'd be gone, so.... I dunno. Right now I'm just gonna go with it and see where it leads.

Weekend Wind-down

This weekend wasn't bad. Nothing mind blowing or anything. But a nice weekend. I did have to work today though, which sucked most of the fun out of my Sunday. Yesterday I saw the boy again. I think I've decided not to 'name' him on the blog until we're actually boyfriends. Until then, he's just going to be 'boy'. So, boy and I went to Ikea together, which is great for me because I can just walk to the ferry terminal and don't have to take any trains to meet him. We decided to meet at the seaport at 1. I didn't see him until 1:45. Not gonna lie, I was a little annoyed. But, it was because the stupid trains were messed up, so I can't really blame him. So, we took the ferry to Ikea. We did the whole route through the store and pointed out all the stuff we liked. We didn't linger too long because it was kind of crowded and there were misbehaved children coming out of the woodwork. Gross. We got what he needed and one or two other things and then headed back to the ferry. He had a dinner to get to uptown at 5 and it was already 3 or so. I offered that he could come hang out at my place for a little while and then head uptown instead of going all the way home again. (It takes at least 45 min to get to Astoria from here). He decided he had enough time, so he went home. I was kind of disappointed. Would have been nice to FINALLY get him alone for a little bit. I haven't even gotten to kiss the guy since our second date. This was the 5th time we've seen each other. Apparently he has a thing with PDA's, which is kind of ok with me, but a quick kiss hello and goodbye never hurt anyone. Lol. In any event, I took him to the subway and hugged him goodbye. Still not sure where this is going, but trying to just be patient and see what happens. I like the guy and I think I can wait if that's what he needs to do. Not like I really have a lot else going on at the moment. Haha.

Late Night

So it's almost 3 on Saturday night. You'd think I would be just getting home from a bar or something. But no. I've been home all night. Haha. And most of the day too. Just a very boring day, with nothing specific that I really needed to do, and not one specific to really do anything with. But that's not what I feel like talking about.

I used to write another blog before I started this one. But it wasn't public. It was mostly just a place for me to write down all the things I wish I had someone to tell them to. A place to just lay it all out there without any kind of judgement. Anyway, I was reading through some of the old posts and realized how depressing they were. I mean, I probably only get on this blog to complain about things and generally to vent as well, but I must have been pretty lonely a year or two ago. I guess it was around when I was finishing school and then starting a new job, so life was kind of up in the air and I just didn't have a very strong footing on what my life was at the time. It kind of sucked at the time, not knowing where I'd end up. And then when I finally got here, I was still sleeping on a couch, starting a new job with new people, and then looking for a place to live as well. Didn't leave a lot of room for dating. Haha. So, I think I might share some of these posts. Mostly because I don't really feel like writing about much else right now. Haha.

So, this is June 16 2007

I haven't posted for nearly three whole months. Wow. But suddenly I'm feeling kind of depressed again. I have no idea why, but I just got home and I feel sad. I just feel sad and don't know what about. I got back from a night of hanging out with M who I don't really get to see as often as I thought I would this summer. As usual, he's really busy with all the million things he's doing. I wish I were as active as he is. Anyway, it was a strange night. I emailed him yesterday just saying we should get dinner or something tonight, and we ended up going to the Shebeen which is a pretty nice restaurant. It kinda felt like a date, especially since we went to see a movie afterward. We saw Knocked Up which I guess is what put me in this weird mood. I think my mind is in the whole love and babies and real life mindset, and I guess I'm really scared of all those things. I don't have anyone to love. At least not anyone who loves me back. I don't foresee any babies in the near future. Maybe ever (How sad is that? I really feel like shit writing that down.). Real life is also up in the air. Once again I have no idea where I will be three months from now or what I will be doing. All I know is that right now, I am here. Alone. And as far as I can tell wherever I am in three months, odds are that I'll be there. Just as alone.

Umm. Yeah... Could I be more emo? Lol. That's the guy who came to visit me this winter. We were friends in college and still keep in touch. I used to have a pretty big crush on him then, but have since managed to move on. Haha. I don't know if I mentioned it, but not too soon after he visited he emailed me saying that he knew I was gay and has always known and just wanted to let me know that he didn't care. Blah blah blah. It was nice that he was just totally upfront about it. That's how I'd prefer people to be honestly. Just frank and to the point. I'm also not one to be easily offended or get my feelings very hurt, so maybe not everyone feels the same way.

Ok. It's way too late to be up writing. I'm just going to end up babbling on about nothing. Night all.