Godfrey Off the Grid

Sick

2010-03-11T16:01:00.000-08:00

Today has been a crappy day. I had to call out sick from work this morning. All week I've felt a cold coming on. Started out as just a little sore throat and now I'm all congested and having to blow my nose every 30 seconds if I sit up. It's not fun at all. I feel like I could potentially function at work, but it just isn't worth going in when I'm going to feel terrible all day and potentially get every else sick as well. Hoping it'll be gone by the weekend. Not really sure how likely that will be.

I've been seeing T2 every now and then. Haven't seen him for a while though because I knew I was getting sick. As far as T goes, I don't think he's interested anymore. Haven't heard from him for about a week now. I don't see a relationship with T2. For now it's just fun and nice to have someone I'm comfortable with. Not really sure what it is, but I just don't see myself with him. There are plenty of other guys in this city and for now, maybe I'm at a point where I just need to see what's out there and not just be looking to find a boyfriend. I think that will come when it's meant to.

Packed Day

2010-02-21T21:03:00.000-08:00

Today was a fun day. It was so beautiful out. Felt like spring almost, even though in reality it was maybe 43 degrees out. But compared to the dark cold snowy days we've been having lately, it was a welcome change. I went to brunch with T2. We've seen each other a few more times now, and he's very nice. Still feeling it out. He's nice, but something about him just doesn't get me super excited. Just can't put my finger on it, so for now I'm just seeing where it goes.

So we went to brunch at this really nice french place in meat-packing. I got scrambled eggs with lots of yummy sides and had about 3 grapefruit mimosas (YUM). We chatted, we ate, we drank. It was a very nice brunch. Then when I go to get up, i turn around and literally 1 foot behind me at the table next to ours is T! Just my luck, I would go on a date with a guy and end up running into the other guy I'm seeing and of course he'd be sitting right behind me without me even knowing. I don't know if he knew I was there or if he could overhear our conversation or see T2 touching my leg under the table. Suffice it to say that I totally blushed. I can't help it! When I get embarrassed, I blush. It sucks. Not sure if T noticed. He said Hey how are you! etc etc and shook my hand hello (thank god) and introduced me to his friend (or date.. lol) and we chatted about the place since he'd never been either and then that was that. I think in reality it was only awkward for me. T2 didn't really even notice. I mean the conversation only lasted for as long as it took to put my coat on. Nonetheless, it was awkward.

After that, I was slightly shaken, but quickly brushed it off. T2 and I went looking for sunglasses and eventually gave up, since I was looking for something specific and he was heading to the gym. We said our goodbyes and I got on the train to head back downtown.

Got off in Soho and went to the Oliver Peoples store. They had the glasses, but not in the right color. Said they could order them and have them by the next day, but I was in one of those moods where I knew what I wanted and I wanted it NOW. Haha. So I made a b-line for Bloomingdales. I found them, tried them on again, and promptly purchased them. I figured now was as good a time as any to say yes to opening a Bloomingdales card, so I did. :) Got almost 30% off because it was some sort of special discount weekend. Sweet!! They're Paul Smiths. And I Love them. Of course the weather says it's going to rain for the next week. Figures...

After that I had to go into work for a few hours and it's all pretty boring from there on.

Although, I did watch that new show, How to Make it in America. LOVE IT. Mostly, I just love Brian Greenberg. I've had a major thing for him ever since he was in Prime with Uma Thurman. I also like that it's set in NYC. They had a scene in a restaurant that I've been to, Freeman's, and my roommate and I realized Hey, we sat at that table! I always love when that happens. :)

Sometimes You're Just in the Mood

2010-02-07T08:46:00.001-08:00

So you know how they say, "When it rains, it pours." Well apparently the opposite is also true. When you just want to meet up with a guy for a little fun and someone to sleep with, inevitably no one will be available. Maybe it's just karma for turning people down so often when that's all they want. But seriously, over the last two days, it's been nothing but a long line of guys who aren't available, or a sick, or someone is staying in their apartment, or their roommates are home, or they had too much to drink and need to pass out, or they just stop responding. I don't know why I was in the mood to go meet up with someone, but I just was. Maybe it's because I haven't had any action for a month... I don't know. :P

I actually went on a date yesterday too funnily enough. Met a guy on a dating (hookup) site. He's 30. Lives in UWS (upper west side). Very cute. Very good at conversation. We had a nice brunch in the West Village. Might meet up with him today to watch the game. We'll see. Let's call him T2. The other T is still out of town and I haven't heard from him. I emailed him earlier in the week to see how he was doing. No response. Maybe he's just really bad at responding though. Stuff like that drives me crazy because I'm completely the opposite. I respond pretty much as soon as I receive something. If I don't, I won't remember to go back to it.

So today is the Super Bowl. I'll be honest. I'm not a football fan. To me, it's any other day. But my one roommate, the one that none of us really like all that much, is having a bunch of his friends over to watch the game. Like ten of them. We don't actually mind him. It's his girlfriend and the fact that they're always cooking and making weird messes that's a pain. Yesterday we couldn't figure out why the apartment smelled like garbage. Turns out it was an open can of beans that had been sitting on the counter with a piece of tinfoil over them for the last week. Neither of them understand that if you leave things out, they will go bad. They'll leave cheese out on the counter over night. Or bags of chopped vegetables. It's SO weird. Or he'll put something in tupperware and stick it in the fridge, but it'll just be the bowl with no lid. It's the container and then they'll put a piece of saran wrap over it instead of just finding the lid. WTF. Anyway, he and his (high pitched, naggy, annoying) girlfriend are having 10 of their friends over here and I'd like to make myself scarce.

Enough Already

2010-01-30T23:33:00.000-08:00

It's 2:30 in the morning and I just got home from work. That's right. I've been working all night on a Saturday. Did the same thing the night before. And the night before that. Honestly, it's getting a little ridiculous. I literally have ZERO time to do anything. Tomorrow is our deadline, but you never know how serious those are. It may stretch into the night or even into Monday. I'd be pretty pissed if either of those were the case. Especially since I'm hoping to see T tomorrow night before he leaves for a week. :( Ok, I gotta go to bed. Getting up bright and early to do it all over again. FML

Busting My Ass

2010-01-27T21:27:00.001-08:00

Work is killing me this week. I JUST got home and it's almost 1230. I'm trying not to stay too ridiculously late, but each night this week has gotten later and later. I'm still one of the first people to leave, which is pretty ridiculous. I think other people in our office must actually enjoy working or something. That, or they're just trying to impress people. I'm not impressed by that. I'm more impressed by people who work hard during the day and manage to still maintain a life outside of architecture. That's one of the things I hate most about this profession. It just consumes your life if you let it.

Looks like I won't get to see T tomorrow. At least, it doesn't sound like it. He gchatted me today and mentioned that he wouldn't be able to take a vacation day tomorrow like he had planned. :( So, I guess, in all likelihood, I won't be seeing him until the Monday after next at the earliest. That blows! I'm still hoping that maybe I'll get to see him, even just briefly before he leaves for Europe.

Not sure what I'll be up to next week though. I'd like to visit my friend F who just moved to a new apartment with his boyfriend. He's a model who I randomly met through and online dating site. He works part time in architecture and so we started chatting about that and became friends. I've only hung out with him once before. Hopefully I'll get a day off after we hit our deadline and I can go see his place sometime during the week.

Also want to hang out with Doctor. I have The Hurt Locker on DVD from Netflix and I'm waiting until I have a free evening to watch it with him. It's a lot more fun watching my Netflix movies with someone instead of alone on the couch to kill a Sunday afternoon.

Well, it's off to bed for me. Another painfully long day at work to look forward to. Yippee... :-/

New Guy T

2010-01-24T22:04:00.000-08:00

It only takes about a month for me to post something new it seems. Still can't figure out why that is. I don't remember the last thing I posted, so I'll just hit the ground running from what's been going on lately.

So, I started seeing a really nice guy. We'll call him T. I met him online via one of those gay dating websites. He actually messaged me first, which was surprising because he was very cute in his pics. We started chatting and after a few messages he asked me where I get my haircut. Kinda random, but I said where. He said he was there on New Years Eve getting his cut as well and he recognized me. SO RANDOM! I remember sitting and waiting forever and a very cute, well-dressed boy walking in and sitting right beside me for like 10 minutes. I also remember catching glances of him in the mirror and turning red when i thought that the barber was fucking up my hair. He did cut it much shorter than I asked him to, but he managed to make it look good and now I'm kinda happy with it. But I was mostly embarrassed because of the cute guy sitting in the chair next to me. It was so funny that I ended up hearing from him nearly a week later online.

We've only met up twice so far. No funny business or anything. Just coffee and conversation for the first date and then we went shopping in Soho this weekend. He works in fashion, so I'm slightly intimidated by how well he dresses. He's quite good-looking as well (not sure if I've mentioned that), so I feel slightly out of my league. Just slightly. But he's really nice and seems interested. We'll see where it goes. Unfortunately he's heading out of the country next week. And of course this week I have a deadline at work that's on Sunday. He leave's on Monday. :( I don't know if I'll get to see him again before then. I think he'll be gone for a week max, but still. It'll be two full weeks of not seeing him. I could prob get him to come meet me for dinner or coffee down here and I'd just take a break from work, but I'd like to really hang out. Mostly I want to get him somewhere that isn't a crowded Starbucks and finally kiss him. Hehe. Or at least hold his hand. Something! Don't want to accidentally drift into the friend zone or anything. I think he may be somewhat conservative (as conservative as gays can get at least) and doesn't take things too quickly. Or maybe I'm not flirting hard enough. ;)

So that's hopefully going to lead somewhere. It's not very often that I'm genuinely excited about a guy. And when I am, it doesn't seem to go very far past the first date. Go figure.

Not too much else going on right now. Work is going to suck this week. But I've mentioned that already. It makes trying to have a social life very difficult sometimes. I've been doing movie nights with Doctor lately, the guy from New Years Eve. I just go up to his apartment and bring a bottle of wine and a movie and that's that. He just wants to be friends, so I'm cool with that for now. He's kinda dorky and silly. Sweet (and really handsome) guy. He wanted me to come over this week, but I don't know when I'll be able to. T is more of a priority for obvious reasons.

Well, I'm off to bed. I would say that I'll try to post more often, but I don't want to make any promises that I can't keep. Haha.

Most Bizarre New Years EVER

2010-01-01T09:08:00.000-08:00

Last night was one of the more interesting New Years I've ever had. I'll start by saying that not a drop of alcohol was consumed by me over the course of the night. That in itself is very strange considering I wasn't even out of town. Haha. Anyway, I've been chatting with this guy for the past week or so. We'll call him Doctor. So I was chatting with Doctor about what our plans are for New Years and he tells me his. Then he asks what I'm doing. This is the day before New Years Eve by the way. I tell him that I was supposed to hang out with a friend, but that it fell through, so now I really have no plans to speak of. So he says that I'm welcome to come with him if I like.

So what we ended up doing was going to this New Years service at this church because a good friend of his was singing there. Yeah... I was in church when the clock hit midnight. Me! Lol. It was actually kinda cool. They had a lot of music. And I'm talking "Sister Act" gospel music. There was this one woman who blew me away when she sang. It was awesome! I leaned over to Doctor and said, "I LOVE her!" He laughed and grabbed my leg. This was our first time meeting, so that was kind of a highlight. Lol. So, the music was great. There was also the actual service part which was... ok. (I'm not religious, so I felt like I was a little out of place at times. But I managed to look like I knew what was going on.) Then at midnight they toll the bells while everyone is in prayer. It was very peaceful. Everyone still hugs and whatever. It was a lot like that part in church where you shake hands and say "peace be with you." I gave Doctor a hug and got a kiss on the cheek. I'll take it. :P

After that, there were a few more songs and then the service was over. On our way out, we tried to figure out what the plan would be. He said a friend in his building was having a party, but he wasn't sure they were still there. And when he called, no one was answering. So, he walked me to my subway and we said goodnight. He was really nice. I hope I see him again. :)

However, this wasn't even the end of the night for me. I get off the subway and start walking to my building. I get there and there's a crowd of people outside and in the lobby, and two police officers are walking out the door. My building is full of frat boy idiots because all the apartments are big enough for a group to share. Naturally, several floors have parties going on. So I'm waiting for the ONE elevator that was working yesterday. It's all the way on the top floor, but I hear people in the stairwell and don't feel like having to step over a bunch of drunken assholes on my way up. Plus, I'd already used the stairs once that day. The elevator finally gets down to me and I get in. It smells like puke, but all I can see is a half empty can of Beast in the corner. Gross.

The other people waiting for the elevator are distracted by something in the lobby, so I just hit my button and off i got. 1...2...3...4... and then the elevator lurches and comes to an abrupt halt. FUCK. I press my floor... nothing. I press door open... nothing. I press Call...nothing!!! So I think for a second and call 311 (the NYC info/help/anything number) and they put me on hold. Screw this, I'm stuck in an elevator. I decide to call 911 for the first time in my life. I call 911, and they tell me that someones on their way. So I just sit down and wait.

I called Doctor to tell him my ridiculous circumstances and he was really nice and kept me company for a while. Then I heard some banging and had to get off the phone. It was the fire department. 5 guys I think. At one point they asked "How's everyone doing in there." I said "Fine." Then he asked "How many are there?" I replied "Just one. Thank god!" I definitely heard him laugh. But thank god is right! I can't imagine being stuck in there with another person who's probably wasted and prone to freak out or vommit. No thank you. Although, I suppose we would have probably bonded over it. Lol.

They eventually got me out. I was halfway between floors, of course, so it was a little tricky. Finally, the doors open and I was caught by a very strong fireman. Haha. Then up the stairs I went to my apartment.

And THAT was my New Years. :)

Home for the Holiday

2009-12-23T08:12:00.000-08:00

Well, today I'm blogging from my parents house. I've never lived here because they moved a few times since I went to college, so I'm just staying in the guest room. Took a train down from the city last night. Today, my mom is making cookies, but otherwise I don't think there is much planned. That's fine by me. Whenever I come to visit, we usually just hang out and watch tv, nap, go to the movies, etc. It's not like tons and tons of fun, but it's definitely relaxing and quiet. There's really not much to do around here anyway. And I don't have a car, so it's not like I can go off to visit friends either. I guess they could come visit me, but I'm only here for a few days and I hardly get to see my parents, so I feel bad not hanging out with them. Says the guy who's still in bed at 11:30 while they've been up since 7am. Haha.

Yesterday I went and saw Avatar. I def recommend you go see it. I mean, it does kinda feel like a video game at first and the story is somewhat familiar (Fern Gully anyone?), but the film was visually stunning, and I will say that for a movie who is 3 hours long, I really did not get bored at all. I went to the 3d showing too which was fun. :)

Otherwise, there isn't much going on. I have a couple guys I'm supposed to hang out with when I get back to the city. A few for dates, and some that just want to fuck. I'm getting to the point where maybe I'm ok with that. As long as they seem like they're cool guys who don't mind having an actual conversation, who cares if we have sex too while I'm there. Lol. Ideally I want something serious though, but until someone starts to actually become serious, I may as well enjoy myself. And who knows, it may lead to meeting more people. I'm not saying I'm gonna be a big slut now, but I think I'm just trying to be more open minded about who I'm willing to meet up with.

Sorry I'm not commenting much lately. I'm literally two weeks behind on reading all the blogs I follow. It's all because of my Mexico trip. I got behind. lol. So, sorry if you randomly get comments on posts that are over a week old. Haha.

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you all have wonderful holidays!

Back to the Grind

2009-12-14T20:13:00.000-08:00

Well I just returned from a great trip. Well, that's not entirely true. Ive been back for almost a week now. Have been working and enjoying Christmas in the city. It's so awesome this time of year. Going out at night, all the streets are lit with christmas decorations, and people are bundled up and looking good on their way to Christmas parties. Speaking of which, we just had ours last night. Went to a vodka bar in Soho that was a lot of fun. Normally we do something very formal, five course meal, fancy place, get dressed up, the works. This year, they just found a nice bar and rented the place out for the night. The food was great and the drinks were awesome! And I'm not gonna lie, I looked pretty damn sharp. I borrowed a vest from my roommate who's essentially the same size as me and wore that over a plaid shirt with a skinny black tie. Then I wore dark jeans and some very nice new Ted Baker shoes that I've been saving for something special. Honestly, and this is pretty gay, I think dressing up is half the fun.

Today I had the day off. Had two days of vacation left that I needed to use by the end of the year, so I figured the day after the office party was probably a good time to use one. And I'm definitely glad I did. Stayed in bed until around noon. Then moved to the couch. Haha. I then met an old friend (a guy I dated a while back in August) to see a movie. We saw Up in the Air. Gotta say, this was hands down one of the better films I've seen in a while. There's not a lot I can say about it, but I was totally engaged the entire time and really enjoyed the characters; and all the actors did a really good job. Doesn't hurt that George Clooney is pretty easy on the eyes either. ;)

Here are a few pics from Mexico. It was so much fun. I'm really glad I went. Sadly, my tan is already beginning to fade. Sigh...

Vacation

2009-11-29T22:54:00.000-08:00

So I'm off to Mexico in the morning. Looking forward to a great week of chillin on a beach, checkin out ruins, and just having fun with some friends. Wish you all the best over the next week or so. Will post some pictures when I get back. :) Ciao!

Yet Another Train Ride

2009-11-28T07:46:00.000-08:00

So, I’m blogging from the train again. This is the NJ Transit train though. Not nearly as glamorous as the Amtrak. And even that isn’t anything amazing. It’s dirt cheap though and get me where I need to be, so it works. I only use it to come down for Thanksgiving or to go to family stuff in NJ. My relatives live outside of Philadelphia. Just have to be clear, it’s not north Jersey. Haha. Thanksgiving was great. Just hung out, had some wine, ate some yummy food, and played a lot of Wii. Not a bad way to spend an evening in my opinion. My grandma destroyed all of us in bowling though. She’s in her 80’s and she killed all of us.

Tonight I don’t know what I’m doing. Have a friend in town that I met online. We’ve never met, but he’s here for the week from California. I think we might hit some gay bars in the city, which would be fun. I’m hoping he just wants to hang out though and we’re not out looking for guys. He’s really hot and I don’t feel much like being ditched. Not that he would do that, but my mind always thinks of the worst-case scenario. Tomorrow, I think we’re gonna try and go see a movie – I really want to see Broken Embraces, the Almodovar movie – and maybe do a little shopping. It’s probably going to be a mad house anywhere you go though, so that might not pan out. Either way, it’ll be cool to hang out.

Sunday, I gotta get ready for Mexico. I can’t fucking wait to go. I’m so pale though, it’s not even funny. I really hope I don’t burn. My plan to go tanning before hand totally didn’t happen. I have one more session, I think, so I’ll probably use it Saturday or Sunday. Also gotta get some luggage that’ll be easier to transport and maybe find some books to read on the trip. Maybe a little David Sedaris or something light like that. Any suggestions? I have other books that I need to start, but it’s stuff like Atlas Shrugged and This Side of Paradise, not really beach reading. Haha.

Something to be excited about

2009-11-25T14:52:00.000-08:00

Had a date last night with someone I found online. I met him after work in chelsea. He wanted to go to Outback and get a burger so that's where I met him. I was nervous, so of course I had no appetite - so annoying. I just had a two beers and he had his burger. It was fun. We got along really well. I think we both got each others sense of humor. He was super sarcastic, which I'm really into. At one point, he was telling me something and I said, I can't tell if this is real or if you're just kidding around with me. He was kidding. Ha.
After dinner, well Outback, we went to a gay bar nearby. It was cool. I've never been to a normal gay bar in the city before. I know... The only one i've been to is probably the sleaziest one in the city. I only went because some friends wanted to. But this one was fun. We stayed and had a drink. They were playing drag bingo that night, so we played a little. Didn't win. Haha.
Then I walked him home and we kissed a little right on the street. I definitely liked that. Lol. I didn't end up spending the night, so this is probably a good sign. That hasn't worked out so well for me recently.
The only thing that sucks is that I won't get to see him again for almost two weeks. He's going home for Thanksgiving for a week and then I leave for Mexico the day he gets back. Just my luck...

Getting So Close

2009-11-23T22:07:00.000-08:00

So this week needs to just fly by. I only have to work 2 more days, but I really just want them over and done with. It needs to be Thursday already. After these two days of work i have 13 days off in a row! 13!! I'm taking the week off after the holiday to go to Mexico with a friend. We're gonna hit up Playa del Carmen, Tulum, and Mahahual. Should be a pretty awesome trip. Aside from maybe Playa del Carmen, everywhere seems very chill and relaxed. So, it'll be a lot of laying on the beach, a little snorkeling, seeing some awesome Mayan ruins, and just relaxing in the sun. I can't wait!

Tomorrow, it looks like I have a date. It's with a guy I met online on one of those dating sites. We've been chatting for maybe a couple weeks now. We were going to meet up earlier, but he got sick and is just now getting over it. He seems like a nice sarcastic guy, so I'm game. Not sure where we're going. He suggested Outback. I asked him what that was, thinking it was some gay bar I'd never heard of. He wrote back, "the chain restaurant." Ha. I'm not to good for Outback. I told him, that's fine with me. I did warn him that I probably wouldn't be hungry, just because of nerves and stuff. He said he used to be the same way when he started dating in college. I guess that's reassuring that I'm not the only one, and that it'll probably go away sooner or later. I'll keep you posted on how the date goes.

Otherwise, not too much going on right now. Excited for Thanksgiving. It's one of my favorite holidays. Unless you're cooking something, there's really nothing you have to do other than show up. Haha. I like the minimal effort. Just gotta go with a big stomach and everyone's happy. :)

On a sadder note, a friend of mine and his boyfriend are having a really rough patch right now. My friend made a huge mistake and ended up cheating on him with a guy. A random guy from craigslist, but still it wasn't good. It's been just over a week and they had several horrible days. They were really in love. The only reason my friend was even considering other guys was because his boyfriend wasn't putting the work into their sex life. Other than that, they were perfect together. He doesn't know why he let it happen, but he was sick to his stomach about it for several days and couldn't have regretted it more. What are your guys thoughts on cheating? Is it ever forgivable? Do you think a relationship can withstand it if two people truly love each other. I guess I'm a romantic and think that love can overcome just about anything. I really hope they can get through this. As I write this, my friend is at his place spending the night. His boyfriend has asked him to come the last few nights because he couldn't stand not being with him. What do you guys think?

Lazy Saturday

2009-11-14T10:45:00.000-08:00

Nothing new to report really. I know I never post on here, but I'll be honest, it's just not a big priority. This weekend is pretty boring so far. It's raining and windy here in New York, meaning I have little to no desire to go out and do stuff around the city. The only plans I have are to go to H&M and then go tanning. Normally I wouldn't care about tanning, but I need to get some color for a trip I have coming up. Not sure if I mentioned it on here or not, but I booked a flight to Cancun! I'll be there for a full week too. I'm going with a friend, but neither of us actually want to go to Cancun, so we're going down the coast to a few towns. Playa del Carmen, Tulum, and Mahahual. It should be a really fun trip. I've never been to Mexico before. I've decided I really like these kinds of trips. Just relaxing on the beach, trying to get away from it all. It's so different from something like a trip to Paris or London or some other city. Doing that, I just feel like there are all these things I need to see, and I end up running around the whole time. I mean, that's definitely fun and exciting, but this trip is going to be to relax. Sit on the beach, lay in the hammock. Maybe a little snorkeling/kayaking and a little temple ruin stuff interspersed too. So exciting.

So the Yankees won the World Series the other week and whenever a NY sports team wins the super bowl or the series, they throw a ticker tape parade up broadway to city hall. I only care because my office overlooks part of the parade route. I was here for the giants parade two years ago, so this was my second. It's really crazy though. Tons and tons of people jam into the financial district and make getting to work almost impossible. I had to pay 2.25 just to take the subway so I could get across broadway. I didn't even get on the train. I just used the station underpass to get across the street. Haha. It's that ridiculous. I managed to take some pictures, so here are a few. After the parade, the street is covered in paper and trash. It's pretty amazing watching the literal army of sanitation workers clean it up afterward. It looks like a bomb went off after the parade, but by the end of the day, the streets are cleaner than they were the day before.

Kind of a Shitshow

2009-10-25T21:45:00.000-07:00

So this weekend was a bit of a let down. I went down to DC to meet up with an old roommate and drive down to see our other roommate for the weekend. It was really great getting to see them and catching up. But really, that's where the fun pretty much stopped. When we got there, we walked in the door and it smelled like pot. That should have been my first sign. The house was really gross. I mean, it was relatively in order. It wasn't a dump or anything, but it was clear that no one in this house owned a vacuum. And there was a dog and two cats living there. I would have gone kind of crazy if I had to stay much longer. Thankfully my friend brought sleeping bags. I've slept on some crap couches before, but I was still a little wary about these. They didn't really use their main living room, so it was cleaner than the rest. I obviously took one of the couches in there.

The whole weekend was nothing but drinking. I don't do that. I hate drinking usually. Especially if it's an all day affair. I'm ok with doing a bar for a few hours, but after that, I want to go home and sleep it off. Friday, we got there and went out to a bar. We played some bar games and then decided to just go home and drink there since we would have to cab back if we stayed too long. So we went home and my friend made me a glass of firefly. This was my big mistake for the weekend. Apparently it's pretty much just flavored vodka. I didn't really mix it with much, other than a lot of ice and a little water.

Well, later that night my body was ANGRY. i was up for about two hours. tried waiting it out but then i vommed 3 times in a row. it was extremely unpleasant. when did i become such an amateur. haha. the next morning i felt a little better. i even got a good breakfast without feeling too bad. i had a mimosa in the afternoon, but that was about it. that night a bunch of people came to their house to hang out so we were just drinking beer. Natty. gross. my body wasn't happy about that, so really i had maybe two or three the whole night.

It just really wasn't a fun time. Especially since everyone else was so drunk. I think I just realized that this is not the lifestyle for me. Working all week and doing nothing but drinking otherwise isn't my idea of a good time. Eventually I just said fuck it and got on my computer and then went to bed.

This morning was better. We went and walked around campus and hit up some old places we used to go to all the time. I do miss my friend and living with her. :)

Anyway. Not a very exciting story, but it wasn't a very exciting weekend. I rarely regret getting out and doing stuff, but this was one trip I probably could have done without. Aside from seeing my friends and catching up, the trip kind of blew. Oh well. So glad to be back home in New York. It's so funny how comfortable it's become.

Now I need to deal with work, which may or may not be a pain in the ass this week. And then I need to deal with a few boys. There's one guy I saw last week. He's 33 and HOTTT. He also lives like a block from my apartment, which is dangerous. :P lol. We had fun last time I saw him, but I think I'd like to get to know him a little better next time we meet up. So there's that this week. Fun stuff. :)

I should be getting to bed though. It's that time. Cheers.

Hittin' the Road

2009-10-16T19:56:00.000-07:00

I’d like to think that I’m pretty good at getting up and down the East coast on a pinch, and today I’m trying something new. I’m on Bolt Bus heading down to Philly. My mom was in the hospital this week and had to have surgery. So, I’ve scrapped my plans to go to Boston and am heading home instead. Once I get to Philly, I’m hopping on a Septa train and taking that to Delaware. Amtrak is a little cushier and the view is more exciting than just being on the highway, but for 13 bucks and then the 5 for the Septa, I really can’t complain.

Yesterday was the most disgusting day. It rained. Not only did it rain, but it was freezing cold too. It was just a terrible day. Definitely not fall weather by any means. I ended up doing something kind of impulsive, probably because it was so shitty out. Haha. I booked a ticket to Cancun! Jet Blue was having a one-day sale and I convinced a friend to go with me. I’m super excited. We’re doing the Riviera Maya. Skipping Cancun because it’s pretty gross and neither of us is looking for that type of vacation.

I’m realizing what the catch with taking the bus is… Traffic!

Not a lot else going on right now. No guys really to speak of. At least no one I’m seeing on any regular basis. Work is going well. I’m on a team with a much more regular schedule. So I get to leave at about 7 everyday. It’s awesome. Somehow that extra hour at night really makes a difference. I can actually do things after work and still get home in time to chill for a little bit before getting to bed.

Anyway. Will try to post more often. This weekend I’ll have a lot of free time. But honestly, it’s going to be so boring at home. There won’t be very much to post about. Haha.

Where'd August Go?

2009-08-31T11:39:00.000-07:00

Wow, looks like there's been a pretty big gap since my last post. Sorry I'm so terrible at updating this. It was a busy month though. I'll try to catch up.

Work has been a killer. The project I'm on has some particularly demanding clients, so we've been working especially hard to keep them happy. Who knows if it's working. Haha.

Our office closes for a week every summer and this year I went on a real vacation. My roommate and I decided to go to Puerto Rico! I had a friend who was apparently living down there for the summer and she offered to put us up for the week. So essentially all we paid for was our flight and food while we were down there. We did end up going on an overnight trip to Vieques, which is another island off PR, while we were there. Rented a little jeep and went beach hopping for two days to the most beautiful beaches I've ever seen. It was PERFECT. So relaxing. I had an amazing, amazing time there. This is a pic of the beach we went to on the last day on Culebra. It's another island. Even more beautiful than the others.

So, I'll try to keep this updated more often. Not making any promises. Haha. There has been some boy drama as of late. But nothing I feel like rehashing just right now. Probably deserves it's own post anyway. It's my day off and I'm just hanging out around the house so far. Might take a nap. We'll see.

Tanning Guy

2009-08-02T16:33:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to write this for a few days now but just haven't sat down and done it. So this Wednesday our team at work got the day off because we had pulled several late nights in preparation for a meeting that week and had worked over the weekend. It was kind of a really gross day out though, so I ended up just sleeping in for most of it. I decided around 2 that I wanted to go tanning and I had found a place that looked like a good place to try. The website has pictures of models in their underwear on it, so it's pretty safe to assume that the place is kind of catering to gay guys. Fine by me. The review I read on google also said that the place was usually full of hot guys too. Haha.

So I go there and the place is empty. No surprise, it was 2pm on a Wednesday after all. On the walk over it had started to drizzle a little too, so I was glad to get in there before it rained any harder. I walk in and the guy working the front desk is literally one of the hottest guys I've ever interacted with in person. Blue eyes. Built, but not too muscley. White tee and jeans. Buzz cut. Nice tan. AMAZING smile. He tells me about the packages etc etc. They were all way too expensive but I get 10 sessions anyway. I couldn't say no. Lol.

So he asked me why I wanted to tan and I told him I had a vacation coming up. I said where I was going etc and his response was "awesome, can i come?". HA! I was like "haha yeah seriously". It seemed kind of flirty to be honest. At that point he shows me what button to press, etc and I do the tan thing and am all set.

As I'm walking back to the front, I see out the door that it is now pouring. It's like flash-flood weather. I ask him a few more questions about when to come back (He said Friday) and say how much I liked the machine, blah blah. At that point he says that I can stay if I want to wait it out. I say, sure I'll stay for a few minutes. So I'm sitting there and I ask what he was watching. I'd seen that he had something up on hulu when I was coming out from the back. I was still the only other person there. He said he was just watching SNL clips and we started talking about that for a minute. We were just sitting there and he started watching them again. After a minute he moved the monitor so we could both watch it. :) So we watched a clip together. Then a customer came in and then one more a little while after and then another employee.

Meanwhile it was still shitting rain like nobody's business and I had no umbrella, not that it would have done me much good. I ended up hanging out there for at least an hour. Haha. I really couldn't go anywhere though. It was raining that hard. But I certainly didn't mind waiting.

Anyway. That was the story of Tanning guy. If I were a much more confident person I would have asked him for a drink since he was getting off and I had nothing else to do all day. Would have been the perfect "meet cute" if you ask me.

I did end up going back on Friday. After the session, I asked his name and shook his hand. (Contact!) Lol. I'm such a dork. I may go back tomorrow if there's time. Not sure yet. Could have gone today, but I felt a little red after Friday so I'm gonna give it a few days.

Most Random Text EVER

2009-07-28T23:13:00.000-07:00

So I'm laying in bed talking to a friend on gchat. It's 1:30am. I'm about to go to sleep and my phone buzzes that I have a text.

Boy 1 : You never kissed me. You never even tried. I guess I am still wondering about that.

Me: This is the most random text ive ever gotten. are you ok? i mean we can talk about this if you want man.

Boy 1: I always aim to please in the random department. And I'm fine. And I was just wondering about it.

Me : haha. well did you know that you were the first guy i ever went on a date with? first guy i ever held hands with. did you think it was you? i hope not. :(

Boy 1 : These are all things that could have previously been brought to my attention. I revoke my initial inquiry.

Boy 1: I kinda thought it was me.

Me: oh fuck. I feel like shit now. but if i remember correctly i did try pretty hard to keep in touch for a while there.

Boy 1: No no no. I'm not trying to make you fell bad at all. You keeping in touch made me wonder even more. I guess that's what prompted this. Just forget it! :/

Me: not that i blame you, but i wish i had asked more about you and [your ex]. i guess i assumed you two had been done for a while. took me a bit to piece that together.

Boy 1: Okay well now I have nothing to say back to that. G'night.

Me: don't worry about it man. im still really glad we met when we did. question though... even if i had kissed you, you'd still be with [your ex] right?

Boy 1: Idk.

Me: you're sure everything's ok tonight?

Boy 1: Yes. Stop worrying. We'll talk later.

Me: haha. ok ok. well it was good hearin from you [boy1]. random. but good. :) sorry i confused you. def ttyl. night kiddo.

Is it just me or was this TOTALLY out of the blue. Not gonna lie, I was kind of excited to hear from him. We haven't really kept in touch that much. I tried for a while to meet up with him again. But eventually realized that he had gotten back with his ex. We're still friends on facebook and every now and then I'll send him a message in response to a funny status update. It's more like every few months. We did talk once on aim and he told me that he and his ex had indeed gotten back together. He said he felt weird talking about it. I'm the type of person who wants the truth. Even if it's not what I want to hear, I still want the truth. Otherwise I form my own conclusions and that's just not good.

Anyway, I kinda want to know what the hell prompted that. Like, who thinks that when they're in a relationship with someone else? This guy and he have been together for years as far as I can tell. It's just very very odd. I guess I'm the only other guy in a while besides the boyfriend who he's been with. So maybe he feels guilty all of a sudden. I don't know. Maybe he and his boyfriend aren't doing so great right now? No clue. Seriously. Just beyond random. Haha.

Long Day

2009-07-27T15:34:00.000-07:00

Today was such a long day. Well, it felt like a long day at least. Got out of work at 5:30, but had been up on my feet all day for a worshop meeting. I was also in the office from 10am to 4am last night and only got about 3 hours of sleep. I'm exhausted. But I'm at the point where if I go to sleep now, I'll just wake up at midnight and not be able to sleep.

I was gonna take a little nap, but instead I got a call from from someone I've never talked to before. My friend from Jersey who I mentioned a LONG while ago I think. We've been chatting online and gotten really really close since we met in November. But until tonight we've never actually spoken to each other. Just talking on AIM or gchat. We're really close friends, like I would tell him absolutely anything. Things I wouldn't tell anyone else. I don't know how we got so close. I think he just had a lot of tough times this year and I helped talk him through it. I think in the process I've gotten a really big crush on him though. Like he's super cute and very sexy. I didn't think he was my type at first, but something about his personality is really attractive to me. Unfortunately I didn't realize any of this until he's with someone else. He's been seeing this guy and now, according to him, they're in love. I mean, I could have met him sooner, but it just never happened. I'm glad he's happy though. And we've both said to each other that if we're ever single at the same time again, we're going on a date. Anyway, he gave me a call on his way home from work because we've been saying how we need to talk one of these days. We chatted for about 20 minutes which was really really nice. Definitely brightened my day. :) Ugh. But I'm still crushin pretty hard on the guy. Haha.

As for Astoria guy... not really sure where things are at. It's really like we've only been dating for a week. I'm ready to move forward, but I don't know what he's thinking. I didn't hear from him all weekend which was kind of weird. But I also told him I'd be gone, so.... I dunno. Right now I'm just gonna go with it and see where it leads.

Weekend Wind-down

2009-07-19T16:04:00.000-07:00

This weekend wasn't bad. Nothing mind blowing or anything. But a nice weekend. I did have to work today though, which sucked most of the fun out of my Sunday. Yesterday I saw the boy again. I think I've decided not to 'name' him on the blog until we're actually boyfriends. Until then, he's just going to be 'boy'. So, boy and I went to Ikea together, which is great for me because I can just walk to the ferry terminal and don't have to take any trains to meet him. We decided to meet at the seaport at 1. I didn't see him until 1:45. Not gonna lie, I was a little annoyed. But, it was because the stupid trains were messed up, so I can't really blame him. So, we took the ferry to Ikea. We did the whole route through the store and pointed out all the stuff we liked. We didn't linger too long because it was kind of crowded and there were misbehaved children coming out of the woodwork. Gross. We got what he needed and one or two other things and then headed back to the ferry. He had a dinner to get to uptown at 5 and it was already 3 or so. I offered that he could come hang out at my place for a little while and then head uptown instead of going all the way home again. (It takes at least 45 min to get to Astoria from here). He decided he had enough time, so he went home. I was kind of disappointed. Would have been nice to FINALLY get him alone for a little bit. I haven't even gotten to kiss the guy since our second date. This was the 5th time we've seen each other. Apparently he has a thing with PDA's, which is kind of ok with me, but a quick kiss hello and goodbye never hurt anyone. Lol. In any event, I took him to the subway and hugged him goodbye. Still not sure where this is going, but trying to just be patient and see what happens. I like the guy and I think I can wait if that's what he needs to do. Not like I really have a lot else going on at the moment. Haha.

Late Night

2009-07-11T23:43:00.000-07:00

So it's almost 3 on Saturday night. You'd think I would be just getting home from a bar or something. But no. I've been home all night. Haha. And most of the day too. Just a very boring day, with nothing specific that I really needed to do, and not one specific to really do anything with. But that's not what I feel like talking about.

I used to write another blog before I started this one. But it wasn't public. It was mostly just a place for me to write down all the things I wish I had someone to tell them to. A place to just lay it all out there without any kind of judgement. Anyway, I was reading through some of the old posts and realized how depressing they were. I mean, I probably only get on this blog to complain about things and generally to vent as well, but I must have been pretty lonely a year or two ago. I guess it was around when I was finishing school and then starting a new job, so life was kind of up in the air and I just didn't have a very strong footing on what my life was at the time. It kind of sucked at the time, not knowing where I'd end up. And then when I finally got here, I was still sleeping on a couch, starting a new job with new people, and then looking for a place to live as well. Didn't leave a lot of room for dating. Haha. So, I think I might share some of these posts. Mostly because I don't really feel like writing about much else right now. Haha.

So, this is June 16 2007

I haven't posted for nearly three whole months. Wow. But suddenly I'm feeling kind of depressed again. I have no idea why, but I just got home and I feel sad. I just feel sad and don't know what about. I got back from a night of hanging out with M who I don't really get to see as often as I thought I would this summer. As usual, he's really busy with all the million things he's doing. I wish I were as active as he is. Anyway, it was a strange night. I emailed him yesterday just saying we should get dinner or something tonight, and we ended up going to the Shebeen which is a pretty nice restaurant. It kinda felt like a date, especially since we went to see a movie afterward. We saw Knocked Up which I guess is what put me in this weird mood. I think my mind is in the whole love and babies and real life mindset, and I guess I'm really scared of all those things. I don't have anyone to love. At least not anyone who loves me back. I don't foresee any babies in the near future. Maybe ever (How sad is that? I really feel like shit writing that down.). Real life is also up in the air. Once again I have no idea where I will be three months from now or what I will be doing. All I know is that right now, I am here. Alone. And as far as I can tell wherever I am in three months, odds are that I'll be there. Just as alone.

Umm. Yeah... Could I be more emo? Lol. That's the guy who came to visit me this winter. We were friends in college and still keep in touch. I used to have a pretty big crush on him then, but have since managed to move on. Haha. I don't know if I mentioned it, but not too soon after he visited he emailed me saying that he knew I was gay and has always known and just wanted to let me know that he didn't care. Blah blah blah. It was nice that he was just totally upfront about it. That's how I'd prefer people to be honestly. Just frank and to the point. I'm also not one to be easily offended or get my feelings very hurt, so maybe not everyone feels the same way.

Ok. It's way too late to be up writing. I'm just going to end up babbling on about nothing. Night all.

Trip Home

2009-06-26T22:21:00.001-07:00

I’m writing this post on the train again, heading home for the weekend. A friend of mine whom I’ve known since I was in 7th grade is having a birthday dinner Saturday night that I said I’d come down for. I’m pretty excited to be getting out of the city. It’s been so rainy and gross this entire month. Just need some quiet and not to think about doing anything for a day or two. It’ll be nice.
My friend just text’s me, “hey are you at winnies?” I am not at Winnies, but most of the people in my office are. It was someone’s last day, so we were all going out to celebrate. I obviously couldn’t go. Sucks because I never get to go out with my friend as much as we used to. Booo!
Things are going well otherwise though. I’m planning a trip to Puerto Rico, which I’m beyond excited about. I’ve never been anywhere tropical like that before. Only Florida once or twice, and then it was only to go to Disney with family when I was little. It’s like my first real adult vacation. We get a whole week off work in August, so I figure I may as well make good use of it. It turns out one of our interns from last summer is living down there like a block away from the beach, so I have a place to stay! Woo hoo!
Still haven’t seen the boy again. He’s been in MD since last Friday. It sucks that he’s gone, but we’ve kept in touch. I think he’ll be back next weekend, so that’ll be great. He told me he missed me the other night, which was nice to hear. I miss him too. I mean, we’ve only hung out the two times, but we had a nice time together both times and have been chatting ever since, so I feel like I’m gradually getting to know the guy pretty well. The poor guy is having a lot of money trouble right now, which sucks. He quit his job 6 months ago because his boss was completely unethical and he couldn’t work with her any more. He’s trying to apply for unemployment, but they’re not being very speedy about making a decision. He also went to the bank to try and get a small loan so he could pay his rent, but they denied him. I feel bad for the guy. I know it’s stressing him out like crazy. Poor guy.

Second Date

2009-06-14T17:20:00.000-07:00

The second date was pretty fun. We went to the movies on Friday for the first date and then we hung out that Sunday afternoon. We didn't really plan anything to do. I pretty much just invited myself over and said I'd rather be bored there than bored here on my own. Even if he had to do work on his computer, I'd be more than happy just hanging out. So I went over around maybe 1 or 2. I got there and he showed me his place. Met the dog. So cute. He has a golden retriever, which was super friendly. The only thing we had planned to do was go run an errand he needed to do, which was buy batteries at CVS (very exciting stuff I know. But I like doing mundane stuff like that with people.) So we went and did that and I got to see a bit of Astoria. We went back and he wanted me to watch Ghost Hunters, his favorite show, on DVD. So I laid down on his bed and he put it on. Then he laid down too and I really wasn't that thrilled with the show, so we started making out. After a little of that he got his computer and started doing some work while I watched the show. It was sweet. But after a few episodes, we were both a little bored with that and decided to fool around some more. That was MUCH more fun than TV. Haha. After about 2 hours of that (much more fun) we got ourselves together and went to the grocery store. We made guacamole and grilled some hot dogs on his fire escape (definitely illegal lol). I had some guac and about half a hot dog and then suddenly felt nauseous (like I always seem to do on dates). It was so embarrassing/frustrating, but he didn't seem to care. I figure I ate something this time at least, which is better than not being able to eat anything. After dinner we hung out a little longer and then I gave him a kiss and headed home. At that point it was about 10pm. Definitely a great Sunday!

Unfortunately that was the last time we've gotten together... Not really sure what's goin on... I'll blog more about it later.

PS. TRUE BLOOD tonight! I hope everyone is as excited as I am.

I'm a Horrible Blogger

2009-06-08T20:14:00.000-07:00

So, I know I haven't posted anything for.... weeks now. Sorry. I've been kind of busy with work, but mostly just haven't had the urge to write anything. I guess there have been a few interesting developments. Nothing earth shattering really, but some nice surprises.

I've been working at this job for 17 months now, not including the 3 months I was interning. Well up until now, I hadn't asked for a raise. Normally, you get a raise every year and my year was in January. Well, in January, they laid off 10 people. So, I didn't really think it was appropriate to be asking for a raise. But that was a while ago, and the office has been doing well and there's stuff to work on, so I finally decided it was time to ask. So I asked, and they gave me a really good raise. Like 13% I think. It was definitely a very good Friday!

I also started seeing this guy. He lives in Astoria. We met up on a Friday afternoon. I had the day off. We'd been chatting for a few days online and decided to meet up and go see a movie. We went to a bar for a little dinner. He ordered a burger. Obviously I wasn't going to be able to eat all that, especially on a first date. So, I just ordered a salad. Ick. It was so boring. I did have a beer though with it. Haha. Then we went and saw Angels & Demons. It was nice. He's a really sweet guy. Nothing really happened on the date other than a hug hello and goodbye, but it was still very nice. I'll blog about our second date later. It was just a little more fun... ;)

Off Weekend

2009-05-17T14:55:00.001-07:00

I don't know why this weekend felt weird. Feels like it was just kind of up and down. Not sure if I've really been myself lately. Or maybe I'm just disappointing myself. There are things I want to do and somehow I always manage to convince myself that I don't want to and end up just sort of not accomplishing much of anything.

Today was good so far though. I met my friend who I used to live with in school for a hard hat tour of this building along the High Line. Here's the wikipedia page for it. Essentially, it's an old rail line like the ones you see in Chicago, but it hasn't been used in forever and has just been sitting vacant. So, they decided to turn it into an elevated park and it's supposed to open in like a month I think. The tour was pretty stupid to be honest. Somehow our group got screwed out of an actual tour guide. We just walked up into the building and then walked down after we saw enough. It was cool to see the high line under construction. Then we went to the DVF store to look at a model of the new Whitney they had on display. There's a bunch of stuff going on over the next few days in the Meat Packing district apparently, and this was just one of the things they were offering.

After that we went to Chelsea Market and got some soup. Really, it was nice just catching up with her. She's probably the coolest, nicest person you'd ever meet. We were saying how ridiculously difficult it seems to be to keep in touch with people. I mean we're only like a 20 min subway ride away (less prob) and I think the last time I saw her was when Wall-E was out. Terrible. I think we're gonna try and get together for a drink soon though.

Yesterday was more of a bust though. I didn't do much and I was supposed to meet this guy and bailed on him. Well I was under the impression that we didn't make plans, but I think he ended up coming downtown for the day thinking I was still go. I definitely was dodging his texts. I know I should have just been like, dude i'm just not feelin it today, but I didn't.... I felt like such a jerk. So that had me in a kind of funk yesterday. This morning was good though. I'm glad I managed to get out.

This afternoon I've just been cleaning and watching a movie. Tried to make my way through Pineapple Express but ended up falling asleep. I don't know, it wasn't really doin it for me. The same thing happened with Tropic Thunder. I think I may just pop it back in the mail and get the next movie. I think I'm about due for a good gay movie, haha, any suggestions?

Currently listening to: Shiny Toy Guns - Major Tom

Pretty Crap Day

2009-05-05T20:10:00.000-07:00

Today was pretty miserable if I must say. I got to work and was just totally drained the entire day. Something about the rainy weekend just sucked all the momentum out of me. I think I was mostly just annoyed that I still have to work on this project when I thought that Saturday's deadline would be it. Apparently I was mistaken. I've been given like 10 A0 boards to design for the 21st. It's not a ton of work, but it's still going to be kind of a pain. And today, I just wasn't in the mood.

The one bright part of the day was emailing this new guy that I've been talking to. He emailed me after lunch asking how my day was. It made me happy talking to him. We're tentatively planning to meet up sometime on Saturday for coffee and wandering around. I'll admit, I'm excited to meet him. He seems very sweet and maybe even a little shy, which could be nice. I'm looking forward to it. :)

Oh, here are some sketches I did while I was waiting for pdf's to print the other day. It's just silly doodling with absolutely no rhyme or reason to it, but I like how they look. Lemme know what you think.

Is this Even Going Anywhere?

2009-05-03T22:04:00.000-07:00

I've been online for several hours now just chatting with guys online. It's kind of ridiculous now that I'm thinking about it. Especially since I have yet to meet a single one of them in real life. Well, one was a friend from the blog, who it would be great to meet, but he's halfway across the country. Haha. So that probably isn't going to happen anytime soon. He's a really cool kid and I hope he knows I'm talking about him. Haha. Always great meeting people through the blog. They're just naturally better at conversation it seems. I guess there's a certain type of person who is better at being open with total strangers. I'd like to be that person, but I think it's more limited to online. In real life I don't see myself as especially open. I can hold a conversation, but with coworkers or friends, I just don't really give much of myself up. For instance, I never talk about my personal life that much. Maybe it's because there isn't much to speak of.

Anyway, the other people I was chatting with were just people I met on this site I've been using lately. I've "met" a lot of people through it. Some of them are clearly looking for just one thing, but others seem pretty genuine. For the most part, people use it as a hookup site. I try to be really clear that I'm looking for more of a connection, especially considering I'm not very comfortable with all that yet. There have been a handful that I would seriously consider meeting in real life. Some of them seem to be drifting away now though after a few weeks of not setting anything up.

But tonight I did meet a guy who seems like a great guy. He told me to email him tomorrow and I def am going to when I get up. He said he's never met anyone on there, but that it'd be great if i could be the first. And even better if I were the last. I thought that was just so sweet. I know it's something that most guys probably would never say, especially to someone they haven't met yet. But I liked it. He seems very similar to me. Trying to be more social and get out more. Trying to meet guys. I wouldn't say I'm doing a very good job of it, but I'm making some effort.

Haha. The other guy i was chatting with is 34. Ridiculous right. I totally don't see this going anywhere. This would be the "just getting it over with" option. Not ideal. But sometimes it's fun to just chat with people about sexual stuff and just be totally casual about it. It's not like I gave him my name or address, so what's the harm really. Apparently he's into my type and has a 25 year old boyfriend who he lives with and they have a very open relationship. Haha. So not me, but he's a nice guy. Hot. And he doesn't mind chatting about stuff even though I told him I won't be coming over tonight. Haha. You're probably thinking less of me right now. lol.

PS - Just downloaded the Ladyhawke album. Love it.

Home for the Weekend

2009-04-24T22:11:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting on a train writing this, watching the Philadelphia skyline go by in the window. This is why I take the train. It’s just so awesome going right through the heart of the city. I’m heading home for the weekend. Haven’t been home since Christmas, so I’m about due for a visit.

Today was probably one of the nicest days we’ve had this year. On my walk to work, I walked through the church cemetery. All the trees are flowering and there are like a million tulips blooming all over the place. (Oh man just went by the Robert Venturi houses on the river. They make me wanna watch some Always Sunny right about now. When the hell is that gonna come back. Anyway…) And they were cutting the grass this morning. Not a smell that you really get much, living in New York. It just totally set the tone for my whole day. I honestly didn’t do a ton of work today. We have a submission deadline on Friday, but so far we’re in pretty good shape. The three of us working on it have been busting our asses to get it done right and work out all the kinks, so we’re looking good at the moment.

We decided to take a long lunch and go to Stone Street since it was a nice day. I got a drink with lunch, which was great. I LOVE summer in NY! I also decided that morning that I needed sunglasses bad and I want them for Saturday since I plan on being outside for a while. So after lunch I took the train up to Soho to go get some Mosley Trades. I had the woman show me pretty much every pair. Haha. At one point she handed me a white pair, similar to the ray ban wayfarers. I laughed when I looked in the mirror. She was like, yeah that’s probably a good sign that they’re not the right pair for you. Umm yeah. I eventually found a pair that I really liked and I’m so excited about them. Even though they’re way more than I should be spending on sunglasses, who cares. I love em. And what’s the point of making money if you don’t enjoy yourself once in a while. I don’t spend that much all the time, so every once in a while it’s cool to drop a little cash. Haha.

Not a whole lot goin on boy-wise. Haven’t talked to Boy 2 in a day or two. He should be more aggressive. I don’t get it. The last couple times I’ve talked to him, it felt like kind of a struggle to get anything out of him. I hate that. It’s really not that hard to be somewhat responsive and engaging in a conversation. My biggest pet peeve is signing off or going away without saying goodbye or giving any hint that you’re going. Majorly annoying.

Well my stop is coming up. Better gather up my things. Just finished watching Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist on my computer. Perfect train movie. If you haven’t seen it, definitely check it out. It’s no oscar winner, but it’s a cute story. And you gotta love anything shot entirely in New York.

Just Getting In

2009-04-22T22:18:00.000-07:00

I am so bad at keeping up with this. Not a whole lot is going on right now. At least, I don't think there's anything that exciting. Just busy with work as usual. It's 1 am right now and I've only been home for about 15 minutes. Had to submit a rough draft of our final submission for the project I'm on.

We actually got some very good news at work the other day. We won a huge huge huge masterplan competition in Korea. We beat several other offices. We all got called into the conference room at the end of the day last tuesday. Of course we were all thinking, oh great more bad news or something. So, no one was especially enthused about getting together. We all knew that it wasn't for a champagne party like the ones we used to have every other week. Then our boss comes in and says "These are tough economic times... but we have just won the biggest competition in the world, Korea!" Then they broke out the champagne. Lol. Of course, I had to get back to work because we had a deadline that night. Go figure. But the next night, they treated us all to open bar at a bar in Tribeca. It was a wednesday, so we were pretty much the only people in the whole place. But, we all had a good time. Definitely a good pick-me-up for the office.

In other news, Boy 2 and I still haven't been able to get together. I thought we were going to this weekend. It was so nice out too. But somehow by the time Saturday came around, we hadn't made any concrete plans and when I texted him, he didn't respond. On Sunday, he said he was at work. I don't know why that wasn't something he could have told me. We ended up just chatting online for a bit that night and that was that. This weekend I'll be going home, so won't happen then either. Wish I were one of those people who got out of work at 6 and had the rest of the evening to do stuff. I'm lucky if I make it home by 8. Sigh...

Wearing Thin

2009-04-13T20:52:00.000-07:00

I just got home from work. It's quarter to midnight. Not good. I've been having to work non stop lately. It sucks. Today I just was not in the mood for it and was noticeably grumpy all day. I think I'm still a little pissed off that we had to work on Easter this weekend. We managed to get a day off on Saturday (I should feel fortunate, no?) and had to go in on Sunday. It was so ridiculous though because Saturday, it rained all day and then Sunday was super nice and sunny. It just didn't make sense to me. I did get a lot done, but I would have rather just gone in on Saturday if I had the choice. The most frustrating thing is that we're supposedly "in production" right now. The design was supposed to have been frozen like a week or two ago, yet, even today, they're still making minor changes. Granted, they are minor, but even little things end up affecting like 5 different drawings that I have to then go in and update one by one. Such a pain. I really don't like having to wait on others so that I can do my stuff. I'm much better when you give me a deadline and then leave me alone.

Anyway, I need to get to bed. Not a whole lot of news to report on the dating front. Haven't heard from the guy from the other weekend. I figure he didn't really see much their either. Oh, I do think I have a potential date with a guy I started talking to again. I think I called him Boy 2 way way back in November. I randomly emailed him and he's been IMing me everytime he's on now. Last night we did a little pic trading which was fun. He's very cute. And kind of a smartass which is definitely my type. So, whenever work cools down, hopefully I can finally meet him in person.

Where to go from here...

2009-04-05T20:47:00.000-07:00

So, the date went well enough. I'm not really sure exactly how I felt about the whole thing. The whole day, I was nervous. So, by the time the date came around, I was kinda feeling sick. I think it was just one of those crappy days if you know what I mean. I meet him at the place where we agreed on Union Sq (not my fav part of the city, but whatever) and he was fiddling with his phone and asked if I knew anything about blackberries. Of course, I don't, so we go in and try to find a seat. The place was packed and there were no seats for people just staying for drinks. So we went to another bar next door and eventually found a little table to sit at. At that point, my stomach was still being moody, so I just decided to stick to water. (Lame, I know, but it's all I could stomach at that point.) We talked, and he was very nice. Just not sure if there was a real spark there. I just don't know if I had all that much fun on the date. It was fun meeting someone new and all, but I just didn't feel a real connection there like I had on the dates I've gone on before. There were a few pauses in the conversation too, which I haven't had happen before. Nothing really awkward, but it just didn't flow all that well or something.

After he finished his drink and had a little appetizer, we talked for a little longer and then headed out. He wanted to find a store so he could get his phone fixed so I said I'd be up for finding one with him. We talked along the way which seemed to go a lot better. My stomach wasn't as upset anymore, and I think I was starting to get a little more comfortable with him. We eventually got the phone thing figured out, and he had to go meet up with some friends. We did a hug goodbye and I walked him to his train.

All in all, he was a nice guy and I enjoyed talking to him, but just not sure if he's the right guy. I texted him after the date saying I had fun and we should get together again. Later he texted with pretty much the same response. I think if he wants to pursue something, I'd be down for meeting up again. Who knows, maybe something will click. But at this point, I'm just gonna hold off on going after him. What do you guys think. Is there like a protocol if you're just not that into him?

Someone new

2009-04-04T13:39:00.000-07:00

Leaving in 5 min to meet a guy for a drink. I really think I have some kind of social anxiety or something because I haven't been hungry all day and have just felt kind of sick. I know as soon as the date is over though, I'll be totally fine. My mind just makes me feel this way and I know it. And it's not like I don't have fun on the date or can't talk to people, I'm just really anxious about something. I really need to look into this. Any thoughts, or does everyone get kind of anxious when they go on dates?

Change of Plans

2009-03-29T08:29:00.000-07:00

Well, yesterday didn't go quite as planned. At all. I ended up not going on the date unfortunately.

I went into work around noon thinking I just needed to do one quick thing and then at 1 someone was coming in to look at everything and I could just touch stuff up and leave. Well, 1 turned into 2:30 and I ended up staying there to fix stuff for our submission until about 7.

I texted my date around 6 saying I was still at work and might need to postpone until 9. When I got home, I texted again asking if he was still up for catching a movie tonight. Around 830 he finally sends me a message saying he was in the subway and at the gym, whens the next show start. I told him. It was closer to 10 by that point, so it was going to be a late show. He texted back saying he was pretty beat and asked if we could do it another time during the week.

I don't know if we'll be meeting up during the week, but I'd still like to meet this guy. I'm fine with cancelling last night too. Somehow work managed to throw my whole day off. This is why I don't really make plans for the weekend very often. Inevitably I'll get stuck going into work and it will just throw everything off. It's annoying.

So yeah, no date. Not too upset or anything. Just disappointed.

Oh and it's probably a good thing we cancelled too. Because, around 1030, I get a call from the 2 people who are apparently still at work saying they're having problems with the pdfs and printing and they tell me they really need me to come back in since I know my way through the files. I was a little annoyed to be going BACK into work on a saturday night, but it was also nice to be needed, and I think it looks good to be going the extra mile on a project that I haven't even been on for a full week.

Not Sure What to Expect

2009-03-28T07:27:00.000-07:00

So tonight I have another date setup. I signed up on this new dating site that I wasn't all too sure of at first. It seems like it's mostly used for hooking up rather than finding something more long term. I signed up anyway though, and it seemed like there were a lot of guys on there at least. Most of them just want to find someone to hookup with, but a couple have seemed genuinely interested in at least chatting and getting to know one another. But anyway, I met someone on there and we've set up a date for tonight. He's the one who emailed me. Although, when he emailed, he asked if I was interested in getting together that night. I think his exact words were "yo bro wanna fuck. looking for now." Usually this would be something I'd just delete, but he looked good and his profile sounded like he was generally a decent guy. So I replied saying something like sorry not really interested in a hookup, good luck man. Later that night I got bored though and messaged him asking if he'd had any luck finding someone and from there we started talking. We've been chatting off and on for about a week now. He seems like he's got his shit together. Not in a relationship right now, so he's just enjoying himself. Very laid back.

Anyway, I asked him if he wanted to get together this weekend and maybe watch a movie and he said he'd be down for going to a movie. I kind of was expecting more of a watching a movie at his apartment type deal, but I'm down with doing the theater too. I've just never actually gone on a date at the movies. Especially not a first date. I hope it's not awkward that we'll be sitting quietly in the dark watching a movie after only having met 20 min prior. Just seems slightly strange to me. I'm thinking maybe we meet early, get tickets, and grab a coffee before going to the movie or something. Haven't quite worked it all out just yet. But I'm excited. He's definitely a good looking guy and was very interested in maybe showing me a thing or two. ;) Haha. Hopefully we hit it off.

This might also be my first date that's not in the afternoon. So, I don't really know what the expectations are as far as going back to his apartment or going out afterwards. I think it's supposed to be raining. :( Seeing as it's a first date though, it's probably best if I don't go back just yet. Maybe save that for a second date. Haha.

I'm off to work now. On a Saturday. Shoot me. Is it really that much to ask to get a full weekend off? Honestly. This is the 3rd one in a row that I've had to go in. It's getting a little ridiculous.

Finished and a little Frustrated

2009-03-23T19:20:00.000-07:00

Oh man. Finally done with the competition I was working on. I didn't really do a whole lot with the final design, but I've been working on the presentation material for the last week or so. It's been pretty fun. Just me and one of the associates. But since there are only two of us, it's been a lot of hours this week. I was there until 12 on Friday! And then all day on Saturday and Sunday. It wasn't awful though. Plus I get tomorrow off! I'm pretty stoked. Might do some shopping. Maybe clean up my room since everything has turned into one big pile of mail and clothes. Should do my taxes too. That's exciting... :-/

Why does it seem so hard to find a guy. I know I probably complain about this a lot, but I'm just getting a little frustrated lately. Mostly with myself as I'm realizing that I must not be the most social person. I guess I just don't have a ton of confidence going out alone. This weekend I passed up on a friends birthday celebration. My friend from work and a couple of his friends have their birthdays around the same time, so they were having a party at a bar in the LES. I wanted to go, just because he's a good friend and we really don't ever hang out outside of work events. The only thing was that no one I knew besides him was going to be there. So I was hesitant to go alone especially since, being his birthday, he probably couldn't really hang out with me most of the time. It would have just been better if I had another person to go with. He even texted me asking if I was coming that night. I felt bad saying no and that I had just gotten home from work and was exhausted. Even though I had just gotten home from work, I probably could have gone. This is why I'm frustrated. I can't seem to get myself out there and then I get annoyed that I haven't met anyone.

Anyway. Looking forward to a nice day to myself tomorrow.

Busy Busy

2009-03-20T22:59:00.001-07:00

Sorry I've been so awful at keeping up to date with this thing. I've been crazy busy with work the last week. It's Friday night and I just got home at midnight. Monday can't get here soon enough!

I know this is probably the most boring post you've ever read, so sorry for that. I'll try to post something slightly interesting when I'm not about to pass out.

Hope You're Not Expecting Much

2009-03-14T23:05:00.001-07:00

Well, not a whole lot going on lately. I just felt bad having gone so long without posting.

The boy from the date is kind of drifting off I think. I don't know how much longer we'll be "friends" unless he suddenly starts putting some effort into communication. I sent him a couple messages earlier in the week and didn't get much response. So I just counted him out and assumed he was cutting off communication. Whatever. But then yesterday I emailed him just to see what's up because I was bored at work. Probably not a great move - I don't want to be that guy - but surprisingly he replied. He said he was on his way to NJ, but that was about it. I told him to email if he has some time this weekend and he said he'd drop me a line. We'll see. I figure if it doesn't happen, then it's just not something I should be worrying about.

It's just kind of lame when you have people show up on your facebook and are just reminded that they're still out there but aren't interested in talking to you. I mean I know I read way too much into things, but I probably should take these guys that I have little chance of ever meeting again off of there. Honestly though, it's facebook. I'd rather have some link. You know, just in case. Haha. Never know when you might need to contact some one for anything really. It's the beauty and curse of facebook.

Well, otherwise, work is going well. I'm on a competition now, which is actually a cool project. Nice to be working on a single building as opposed to huge masterplans. Only problem is that it's a small team, so if I have something really labor intensive to do (which I do), I end up having to spend a lot of time doing it on my own.

Alright. I think that's pretty good for not really having anything to say in this post. I promise that if anything interesting happens, I'll get it on here ASAP. ;)

Up and Down

2009-03-04T20:01:00.000-08:00

Not a lot happening at the moment. Work is beyond boring, although today I've found ways to keep myself busy. Last week we had a deadline and when I came back to work on Tuesday, I was told that I was moving to another project but wasn't told which. So I asked emailed all the principals asking what I should be working on, and no one emailed me back.

This worried me. I mean, I'm not as worried as I was in January when it seemed like something might happen, but it would still be a big change if I got laid off. Our boss comes back on Friday, so I was thinking that maybe they already knew that I'd be getting laid off and no one wanted to get me started on anything just to end up going a few days later.

Well today one of the principals was working on something near my desk and commented on how quiet it was over there. And of course I try to play it off, yeah it's been like this for a while now. I've got lots of space to spread out over here. He then asks me what I'm working on. Heh. Today I had literally returned a pair of shoes that I bought online and updated my resume a bit. That's it. It was prob around 4 by now...

He then goes on to say that everyone was clamoring over what to do with me when I sent that email. I was like, umm ok, well I never heard anything. It sounded like they were waiting until everyone was back in New York to decide who is working on what. I think the Croatia project is back on, so hopefully I'll be put on that. We'll see I suppose.

In other news, that guy is sending me mixed signals. Maybe they're not signals in his mind, but to me, they're kind of confusing. Like yesterday morning he IMs me asking how my night was. I talked to him for a minute saying I was on my way to work and that I'd shoot him an email. So I sent one after I got settled at work. No response all day (and this is the guy who sent me like 30 emails a day last week. short ones, but still). So I'm bored out of my mind all day because I literally have nothing to do, and I email him something dumb around 3:30. He writes me back and we email back and forth a couple times. He then sends me a text saying goodnight later that night. This morning I send him an IM just saying whats up and shoot me an email if you get a minute later today. Nothing.

I know I'm obviously reading into this more than I should, but I just liked having someone to do the whole back and forth all day thing with. I guess this is what "just being friends" meant. Limited contact. :-\

And That's That

2009-03-02T19:46:00.001-08:00

Well, that was certainly short lived. I guess I got my hopes up too much. I didn't really hear from the guy yesterday save for a couple messages in the morning and maybe one or two at night. He was out of the city all day and then said that he was sorry but his phone had died during the day. Ok.

But then this morning I'm talking to him on aim and he disappears all of a sudden. I then get an email saying that he keeps getting kicked off. He then says.. I had a really great time this weekend. Think we should be friends though. Cool?

My heart sank a little. I mean, it was only one date, so it's not like I'm owed any explanation, but I of course am wondering why. Especially since it seemed like everything went well on the date itself. My only thought is that I just wasn't flirty enough and maybe he got more of a friend vibe from that. I really don't know.

I think he may be serious about being friends though. At least, I hope he is. I can always use a gay friend who kind of knows what he's doing. Right now, I'm just a little hurt is all. I'm not really sure what I want. I guess I'll just think it over. For now, the ball is in his court. I know I don't want to be the desperate guy who can't handle the rejection. If he wants to do the whole friendship thing, that's his prerogative. I'm game if he is.

First Date

2009-03-01T16:08:00.001-08:00

So I went on the first date with the guy I met online. We met in the park and then walked over to the restaurant we were going to for brunch. The initial meeting was slightly awkward, haha, seeing as how I went in for the handshake (we hadn't met in person up to this point) and then had to switch to the hug midway. Awkward... I'm a retard. He thought it was funny I think. Then we had a really nice brunch. Mostly just talking and telling each other a lot of things about ourselves. He was really easy to talk to. I must have some sort of anxiety problem though and maybe the fact that I had had a HUGE mimosa before we had even ordered didn't help, but once the food came, the thought of eating just immediately made me nautious. I was having a really good time and I felt pretty comfortable, but for some reason, and this isn't the first time this has happened, I just could not eat ANYTHING. It's not like it was a lot of food either. I took a bite of the english muffin and immediately felt like it was a mistake. I ended up not taking another bite and having them clear my untouched plate. The situation was slightly embarrasing. He seemed to think nothing of it, but I was still embarrassed. After that, I just stuck to water while he proceeded to drink 4 bloody marys. Haha. We then walked over to the waterfront. It was way chillier than the morning though, so that kind of sucked. We ended up holding hands by the time we got there. And then we walked to the end of one of the piers and sat in the grass. It was pretty deserted (seeing as how it was freezing out) save for a couple runners. We ended up laying in the grass and making out quite a bit. It was really nice and I wasn't self conscious at all about being in a public place making out with another guy. (It was freezing and we were in the West Village though, so of all places...). Eventually though, I couldn't stop shivering (literally like 36 degrees out and we were on the water. cold!) and so we had to call it a day. I walked him back into the city and put him in a cab. Gave him a kiss goodbye and told him I'd text him later. All in all, it was a very good date. Minus the potential for vommiting half way through and the loss of feeling in my fingers by the end, I had a great time. I think I really like him so far and am hopeful there will be many more dates to come.

Excited

2009-02-26T20:59:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't posted all week. Work has been crazy with this deadline we have tomorrow. I've been stuck at my desk until midnight every night this week.

It particularly sucks because I've been trying to bump this date up to drinks one night this week. But it just wasn't possible. So far, I'm really liking this guy. We email each other all day long. I think we're both the type of person who has to get the last word in. Like, if someone ever emails me, I always have to respond even if it's just something trivial. We're both really excited for Saturday. I just hope we don't get our hopes up too high, although, from what I know about him so far, I think we'll have a lot of fun together. My only worry is how to make it date fun and not just friend fun. Flirting has never been my forte really, so I hope he's more agressive than I am.

We're going to brunch Saturday afternoon at this place that has unlimited champagne with brunch. Could be risky considering I don't want to be wasted from the get go. I'd rather end on drinks. But hey, I'm just excited to finally meet the guy.

Anyway. That's what's goin on. Time to crash. Friday is FINALLY here.

Something on the Horizon

2009-02-20T22:27:00.000-08:00

I have to work this weekend. Ugh. I don't have to work the entire weekend necessarily, but I need to go in for a couple hours each day at least. I'm thinking I'll go in tomorrow afternoon and then Sunday evening. I really haven't had to work on a weekend in a while though, so really, it's not the end of the world.

In other news, next weekend I'm going on a date. I'm pretty excited about it. It's another guy I met online. We've been sending each other emails back and forth, and he seems really fun and amusing. He's pretty darn cute too. And a very good dresser. Always a plus. I've been facebook stalking him of course and haven't found anything that would be a deal breaker. Not really sure what we're doing yet. But probably getting a little lunch or a drink or something. It's just a first date, so probably something during the day. If anyone has any first date suggestions (that won't break the bank), definitely leave a comment.

Making an Attempt

2009-02-19T21:56:00.000-08:00

I really need to figure out how to be more aggressive when it comes to pursuing guys. Well, I know how to be more aggressive, but I guess I'm just not comfortable with it yet. I manage to meet guys online and strike up a conversation over the course of several emails, but eventually they just sort of fizzle out. At some point someone needs to ask the other on a date, but I just never go there on my own. I've been a shy, quiet guy my whole life though, so really, this isn't a huge surprise. But, if I ever want to find a guy, I'm going to have to up my game, which, considering I have pretty much NO game, has nowhere to go but up. I've been talking to this guy online the last couple days. I think he's pretty attractive from the pictures on his profile. Seems to have a good sense of style. Funny. He gave me his number to text him, but I'm not really sure what to text to someone whom I hardly know. I would like to though, just because he kind of went out on a limb with giving it to me after only a couple messages between us. I think I might want to go out to lunch or something with him at some point. Could be fun... Hopefully this time I'll actually be able to finish my meal. I can barely finish my food on a regular day, let alone on a date. It's all nerves and being anxious about meeting a new person whose personality I'm not really used to. Always fun. Luckily I have the opposite problem when it comes to drinking. Awkward lulls in the conversation make me drink more rather than less, which, I suppose, can be considered either good or bad. Since my tolerance is pretty low lately, it's probably not that great in the long run.

Last night I went up to Union Square to the Strand to hear my boss give a little talk for a small crowd. It was pretty interesting. I always enjoy hearing him talk because he goes off on all these weird tangents. And even though he's in the office everyday, it's not like we really get much interaction with him. Afterwards, a coworker asked me if I wanted to grab a drink. I guess I was feeling in a generous mood, because, even though I was hungry and had about 4 hrs of shows recording to watch at home, I said yes, figuring it would only be a drink. Well it ended up being 2 drinks for me, and somehow 4 for my friend. I managed to get a little buzz from the 2, but I knew I'd wake up with a headache in the morning if I had any more. So I cut myself off. Plus, I'm poor, and drinking in New York is SOO expensive. I'll have to start drinking at home more often. You know, just to get my tolerance up. Summer is on it's way sooner or later.

Sorry this is such a boring post. I think I just felt like typing, haha.

Close Encounter

2009-02-16T14:59:00.000-08:00

So yesterday I took the ferry from Wall St to Ikea so my roommate could carry some table home he wanted to buy. But on the way back, we were walking up Water St and I passed this guy on the sidewalk who looked really familiar. It took me a second or two until I realized it was Chad White. I'm pretty sure it was. He was wearing a nice dark coat and no sunglasses, so I got a pretty good look at his face even if it was more of a glance.

Anyway, pretty cool seeing someone like that just walking alone down here. I don't know what he would be doing on Water St. There's nothing down there. Especially on a Sunday. Wish I had been walking alone so I could pull the "hey do I know you from somewhere line". Haha. Like I'd ever be that confident. I'm pretty sure I hadn't shaved for like 4 days and didn't do anything to my hair that morning, so I probably looked like shit. But hey, it's Ikea. In Brooklyn. I wasn't expecting anything so to speak. Haha.

Coasting

2009-02-11T22:03:00.000-08:00

Does anyone else just get tired of the life they're living? Not that I don't like my life, but I think I'm getting into a rut and playing it a little too safe lately. I think the weather may have a lot to do with it though. These last couple weeks have just been so damn cold, that I haven't wanted to do anything. This weekend, which actually wasn't that cold, I literally couldn't think of a reason that I needed to leave my apartment on Sunday. Sure, I could go do stuff, but the things I actually felt like doing would have cost money, which I'm trying really hard to save right now. I think the whole lack of job security thing has just kind of put a damper on the last couple weeks. My life just feels very cautious at the moment, like I'm trying to play it a little too conservatively or something.

I'm almost envious of my friends who got laid off in some ways. They're heading in new and exciting paths that I'm sure when they look back on it, they'll be really glad that they had that push to change gears. I know that I'll be changing gears eventually though. I still have grad school to go back to, and that'll afford me the chance to potentially go down some new roads. I've always wanted to work in Europe, and I definitely think I will at some point. Coming to New York though, I just feel so at home. It would be hard to just pick up and leave with out some intermediate step or something.

On a side note, I'm such a TV geek. LOST this week was just awesome. Awesome! Some people might not have been as excited by it, but I'm currently watching Season 1 on DVD, so it's been on my mind the last couple days. Last year, when I moved to New York, I was staying with friends on their couch. They happened to all be watching Season 2 on DVD when I got there, so I was pretty much forced to start watching. Didn't really have any way to get away from it. Haha. So, I hadn't seen Season 1 and half of 2. But, having watched everything since then, it is still so much fun watching the older episodes. You pick up on a lot of stuff that probably made absolutely no sense if you were watching it from the start. I think I'm still just overly excited from tonight's episode. Sorry for boring anyone.

Finally

2009-01-30T21:10:00.000-08:00

Sweats...
Pizza...
Beer...
30 Rock...
And still employed...

A perfect Friday night after a long week.

2009-01-26T19:56:00.000-08:00

Feeling a little more confident about my job these last couple days. We just started a new project in Croatia for a huge huge masterplan. Like seriously the size of manhattan almost. We won't be designing the entire thing of course, but it's still a very big project. I think it's the first project I've been on to see the beginning phase. It's a little daunting, but I think it will be good for me. We also start some competition in Rio soon which is a lot smaller. I'd like to work on that as well. I've been doing a lot of stuff on masterplans over the past several months, so a single building would be a welcome change.

Other than that, life is pretty quiet. I didn't do anything this weekend. I watched a couple movies. Did some grocery shopping. That was probably about it. I had to work on Sunday. Even though it was only a couple hours, it still blew the whole day. Just knowing that you should be going into work makes it THAT much harder to get out of bed. I was shooting to get in by 2, but it turned into 430. I left at 7 too. Haha. And then went in early this morning. It's ridiculous. You can tell everyone is a little worried, because pretty much the entire office was in by 10. A month ago, there were probably 5 people in by 10. Crazy. I guess everyone just wants to play it safe for a little while. Even though no one with any kind of decision making power actually gets in before 10 or 1030. I just happened to need to finish my stuff. Tomorrow I'll be in at 10. Or my usual 1015.

I'm sure this is scintillating reading. Haha. I want this cold weather to go away. Maybe i have S.A.D. I never thought that I did before, but this year I've just kind of been a little down. Hmm... I should call some friends and definitely get out of the apartment this weekend. I'll probably have to work though. :(

Quiet Week

2009-01-23T20:59:00.000-08:00

It's been a pretty quiet week. The office has felt very empty and I can tell that my energy is just down. More so than usual. I never realized that a lack of job security could weigh on you so much. I'm certainly not the only person in the office who's concerned. Pretty much everyone is. The only thing I have going for me is that I'm definitely the cheapest person they have. Which is good and bad I suppose. I'm not necessarily much of a designer. At least, I haven't really shined in that capacity in the year that I've been there. Model making and craft is something I'm extremely good at though, so I suppose that's of some value. Hopefully.

My friend came to visit this weekend. It was a good visit. Good to see him. My roommate was friends with him as well. It was good because I didn't feel the need to constantly entertain him. I guess I'm just kind of lazy / selfish like that. Haha. I think he had fun. Although, we could both tell that he seemed a little off. Before he left, he told us about some relationship stuff he's had going on recently. Poor guy is kind of in a tough situation at the moment. I didn't really know how to respond when he told me because it involved another friend of mine whom he has been dating. It was just a little awkward. Aside from that, we had a good time. Saw a lot of the city. Showed him the office. Went out to eat. All that good stuff. It was SOOO cold last weekend though that it made doing anything outdoors pretty unbearable.

Oh. And apparently he has known I am gay for a long long time. I didn't really pry as to how he "figured it out", but I do kind of wonder if it was something specific or just kind of putting the pieces together. I mean, I figure I'm a decent normal guy. Haven't had a girlfriend since ever pretty much. And I don't have any declared "interested in:" on facebook. I think it pretty much goes without saying that I'm gay. Haha. Anyway, he told me in an email he sent a day or two after he was back. He sent one to my roommate and I saying thanks for having him and also apologizing for any awkwardness. But then I also got a second one saying he was aware I was gay and just saying that he's obviously cool with it, blah blah blah. I'm glad he said it. One less person to worry about "coming out" to. I just don't like having to deal with the whole conversation and formality of it. Just ask me and I'll tell you the truth. Easy and over with.

I also managed to meet up with two of my friends who got laid off. Very sad that I'll probably hardly see them from now on. I really hope something big happens at the office and we can just hire people back on. I don't know if they'd take it, but it's my pie in the sky dream. Lol. They both seemed in better spirits. Just rolling with the punches. They're still young, so it's not like it's some crisis for them.

That's pretty much all that's gone on this last week. I'll probably be working this weekend at some point. :( But at least I guess I still have a job, so I should be grateful... I guess

Upsetting Day

2009-01-16T22:56:00.000-08:00

So I've been pretty on edge for most of the week and here's why:

Tuesday evening my friend who's higher up in the office than I am tells me that she was told that 13 people are being let go tomorrow (wednesday). So I think "yikes, that sucks". And then I realize that I'm one of the least-experienced people in the office and I haven't been busy since the break. Hmmm. I proceed to kind of freak out a bit for the next hour.

It's very unnerving going into work knowing that something bad will happen any minute. Looking at your coworkers and knowing that they have no idea that their job may or may not be gone by the end of the day. It really made me sick to my stomach. However, Wednesday came and went. No layoffs. By the end of Thursday, I was much calmer about it. I had just come out of a meeting with my team and we all felt there was enough work to go around.

Today, however, the shit hit the fan. Around 345 I see all the principals and our boss gathered near the conference room with rather grim looks on their faces. As I'm walking by I glance in and see a handful of people who I know aren't on the same team standing in there. That's when I realized they're letting people go. A whole group.

10 people out of the 70 or so who work in our office got laid off today. We all work very closely together and everyone in the office is there because they are good at what they do. It's a high profile firm, so the people they hire are quality workers. You could tell that it was extremely difficult for them to lay off even just one person. I mean, how do you choose.

By some miracle, however, I wasn't chosen. Some of those who were, were real surprises. Some of them were really close friends. Actually two of them, guy and a girl, were probably my closest friends in the whole office. It was extremely sad. The guy was sad but more in a "what can you do" kind of way. My other friend though was definitely upset. It especially sucks for her because she's not a US citizen, so if she can't find a job, she has to go back home. When they actually left, I was ready to start crying. Like I seriously had to walk away from my desk. I just can't imagine how shitty that feels.

Maybe I don't handle change very well. Especially when it concerns people I care about. I really hope things turn around and we get more work and can bring people back. The principals brought all of us who were left together and told us what had happened afterwards. They said how difficult it is and unavoidable and that if things pick up, these are the first people they'll be calling to bring back on. I don't know how likely that will be, but I really hope they are able to come back.

Anyway, it was just a very sad day and I'm counting myself extremely lucky that I still have a job, but that doesn't mean I'm not still ready to cry just thinking about my friends and what they're going through right now. :(

Droppin' Some Cash

2009-01-11T13:49:00.000-08:00

I just got back from Soho. My problem with shopping is that I usually do it when I have something specific I need to buy, and then I usually don't find something and end up going home empty handed. I have trouble just spending money on things I don't actually need or don't totally love. Mostly because there isn't a lot of money to spend and that's just how I was raised. But today I needed a coat. And I knew where I wanted to go looking for it. G-Star.

The first time I went there, it was a couple months ago on my first date with Boy 1, who is pretty much out of the picture even though I'll admit, I'd be pretty excited if I did ever hear from him again. That time, I got a pair of pants on sale that I wasn't sure about at first, but now I really like them a lot. Anyway, I get there today and all the coats were on sale. Sweet. Pretty much everything in there was on sale actually. Thank you financial meltdown. So I ended up finding one and dropping over 200 bucks on it. Oops. Haha. But I needed it, and I really like it, so the money doesn't really bother me.

I actually really like being able to buy myself things like that. Things I know are way too much money to spend, but I also know are really nice. I've lately gotten into buying high-end jeans (on sale of course). Ever since that last pair I got at G-Star, actually. I remember, in high school, I thought 80 bucks was a lot for a pair of jeans at the mall. Recently though, I spent 180 on a pair from Barneys. They are by far the best jeans I've ever had. I guess that's one thing for being young and single. Disposable income. :)

A Little Bit Wary

2009-01-07T22:40:00.000-08:00

So one of my best friends from college emailed me today. He's coming to visit me in the city next weekend apparently. He's kind of a strange guy. Very personable and easy to get along with, but he can kind of be an asshole sometimes, lol, so he doesn't have many close friends that are willing to put up with him. Initially, I had a crush on him and thought he was pretty likely gay, but over the past couple years (and upon finding out he's definitely straight via a couple heart to hearts) we've gotten to be just really good friends. At school, we used to just hang out when we had any free time and watched movies together. One summer we did a road trip to SC and went camping for a couple days. Just normal friend stuff.

Anyway. He emailed me today and said he's excited about coming to visit. He hopes I've got some stuff lined up to do and that he wants to go out and let loose. He also asked if I've got any hot girlfriends. This would probably be normal guy talk, but I've never really been that kind of friend with him. I mean, I've never told him I was gay, but I assume he would have been a little suspicious by now since I NEVER talk about that stuff. He's also not the type to go out to bars either. Like EVER! I seriously can't remember ever seeing him drink. Maybe wine, but I'm not really sure. Anyway, I just found it kind of weird and not something I expected to come from him.

So now I have to figure out what to do with him next weekend. Luckily he already knows one of my roommates from school, so it's not like I have to do all of the entertaining. Maybe I'll see if some of our other classmates who are in the city want to hang out one night and go to a bar or something. I've been meaning to get together with some of them anyway. Otherwise, I have no idea what we should do. Last time I visited him up in Boston (like a year ago) we wandered around Cambridge and then saw a movie that night. Went to dinner, but that was pretty much it. I'm not entirely sure what he's expecting.

Is it bad that I want him to sleep in my bed with me? Lol. It's happened before, but we were sharing a hotel room. We do have two couches in the LR, so it probably wouldn't make a whole lot of sense. Maybe I'll just have to get him really drunk. Haha. I wish he weren't so damn attractive. He has one of those soccer player bodies that totally do it for me.

I've got over a week to figure all this out though, so we'll see what happens. Watch me end up getting asked on a date or something for that weekend and have to turn it down. I really wouldn't be surprised. Haha.

Pleasantly Surprised

2009-01-02T17:21:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess New Years went better than I expected. I may not have gotten my New Years kiss, but I had a great night. And the next morning, aside from being tired and achy, I was totally fine. I guess that's what you get when all you drink is Belvedere and Grey Goose. I think, even for 150 bucks, it was worth it. A good experience overall. The club wasn't anything amazing, but my friends and I had a lot of fun together. I guess it all just depends on who you're with. Go figure. Haha.

New Years Resolution: Go Somewhere Warm Next Year!

Off the Fence

2008-12-28T15:46:00.000-08:00

So I did something I wasn't expecting to do last night. I somehow decided that I would come out to my family. It all started when I was talking to this guy online. I'm back in the city, and super bored. Not many people are around and the ones who are don't seem to have a lot of free time. Ugh. So anyway I was talking to this guy, and I asked him if he was out to his parents. And so he told me about it and how well it went, and I guess it just hit me or something. Then he started asking why I hadn't told mine, and I really didn't have any good reason. I never did mostly because there just wasn't anything that made me want to. I've never had a real boyfriend, so I just felt like there wasn't any news to report. I don't really talk to my parents about personal things like that anyway. But after thinking it through and this guy kind of reassuring me that it was going to happen eventually, I ended up deciding to just do it. I wanted to tell my brother first. We don't really talk ever. He's only 2 years younger than I am. I sent him an email. I had it all written out and then just hit send. It was pretty scary and I didn't like having to wait for his response. Then I figured I would just go for it and call my mom. It was 10 pm on a Saturday night, but I called anyway. I was all ready to just say "There's something I want to tell you...". And wouldn't you know, it went to voicemail. Voicemail! The one time my mom isn't up late. Obviously I wasn't going to leave a voicemail. I half expected her to call back, but she didn't.

So this morning my brother emails me back. It said that they had already suspected it anyway and that it was fine and all. Pretty much what I expected to get, and what I would hope the response would be. Not much to say about it, I mean it's kind of just like saying hey I'm right-handed. I know it's bigger than that, but really it's just stating a fact. My mom didn't call me back today though. Also strange. But I'm taking it as a sign. I feel like the moment kind of passed anyway and getting it out to one family member for now is plenty. Maybe my brother and I will be a little bit closer now. Who knows. I'm not really hoping for anything to change. Quite the opposite really. I'd rather everything just be exactly the same but without having this thing hanging over me. I just wouldn't want to meet someone and want them to come to Christmas or something and not be able to do it.

So that's what's going on with me today. I've been extremely bored all day though. I tried to do a little shopping, but didn't see much. Then I went grocery shopping. That was pretty much all I did today. I kind of feel like just wandering around and going for a walk. Sitting around watching movies I've seen already on TV is starting to get a little old. How crazy is it that I'm kind of looking forward to going back to work. I'm so lucky I like my job. Wow, I must be bored if I'm starting to say things like that.

Home Again

2008-12-27T09:33:00.000-08:00

Well, Sorry I haven't posted in a while. (I don't know to whom I'm apologizing, since there are maybe three people who have actually read this blog. Haha.) But, there really hasn't been a whole lot on which to post. I just came back from my parents house and doing all that Christmas stuff. It's pretty boring there, and they're in a new house, so it doesn't really feel like home. Plus, it's just nice to sleep in your own bed with your own things around you. Our cat was particularly glad I came home, seeing as how she's such an attention whore and has been alone for several days.

Let's see though. I have been talking to this one boy online as of late. He doesn't live in the city though. He's about a 45 minute train ride out in New Jersey. Which, honestly, makes me think there's little chance of it turning into anything. I also don't know if he's really my type. He's kind of got that punk look that some guys have. Like, he probably should be wearing clothes another size smaller and that sort of thing. I know it's judgemental, but I'll admit it, I judge. I haven't totally written him off though. He definitely looks very nice without clothes. Probably a little short for me, but whatever. We've been just fooling around online for the last couple weeks. He's also not out which is probably the biggest problem. He only realized he was into guys within the last year and he's in his mid-twenties. But he wants to come into the city and go on a date and stuff, so I suppose it can't hurt to meet him. He's really sweet and we've had some pretty intimate conversations online. But I worry that I'm a little more realistic about what might actually be possible between us than he is. Like, I think he may be starting to like me more than I actually like him. I also worry that I worry too much and should just let things happen as they happen. Haha. But that's me. I analyze. Potentially to a fault, but nonetheless it's what I do.

He's out of town right now, but when he gets back, I think he wants to meet up. It makes me nervous, but I think it'll be fine. There's another boy too whom I potentially will meet when he gets back to the city. He actually lives here and seems more my type, so I just don't know where that will lead.

After never having put any effort into dating or trying to find someone, I'm starting to realize why it's such a big deal. Like, every movie or song you see or hear is about love and what a struggle it is. And even with the LIMITED bit that I've put into it over the last couple months, I'm starting to really see what everyone is talking about. That's life I suppose and it does feel good to be making even a tiny effort. It would be easy to stick with the status quo and just go to work all day and come home and go to bed and then do it all over again, but I've done that. I'm good at that. It's time for something or someone new. I'm bored with just me.

A Week of Nothing and an Office Party

2008-12-19T21:28:00.000-08:00

So I took this entire week off for vacation because I had to use my days by the end of the year. New Year's Resolution #1: Take vacation days during the summer when you can actually use them. This week I've literally laid in bed chatting online for the better part of. I've went grocery shopping a couple times. Got a haircut. Went to Staples. Went to lunch with coworkers. And that's pretty much been it for me. Most days I didn't even shower before 2. But it's my vacation, so I don't feel too bad. Plus it's cold outside. What am I gonna do, go lay in the sun? I still feel like a bit of a waste. Next year, I get twice as many days. Haha. So I'll have to definitely try to use them. It is nice not being in the office though. There really wasn't a whole lot of stuff I would have had to do anyway since I just finished a project before I left. Oh we did have our Xmas party. That was interesting.

So I ended up sitting next to my friend who isn't actually a designer. He's in our press office. He's really cute and I'm definitely attracted to him. But I know he's straight, so I've gotten over it and now we're really good friends which is fine with me. The press people don't really hang out with anyone else in the office much though, so I'm pretty much his only good friend in the office. So anyway. We're eating dinner. Having wine. I think he has a lower tolerance than he'll admit, because I can tell that somethings off. But that wasn't the problem. I on the other hand had had more wine than I should have. Not drunk, just kinda making me sick. Especially when they were serving lobster ravioli as the starting course. I think something wasn't agreeing. Not sure why I'm explaining that, but it was just an off night drink-wise. But the worst part was when he asked if there was any gossip on him. Apparently I know all the gossip (which is kinda true). So I tell him the only thing that anyone has ever mentioned (def not the only thing, but the only harmless non-offensive thing i could come up with) was that when my other guy friend was talking to him at another party someone thought they were gonna hook up. So he asks me if my friend is gay and I say yeah (because I'm pretty sure everyone already knows). Apparently he didn't. Fuck. I just outed the only other gay guy i know of in my office. I'm such a douche. The weird part was that he was all disappointed. He was like "oh man. i thought he was just being friendly." So I started questioning him about it and asking "well who says he wasn't" and "what does it matter if he's gay, he totally was just being friendly." He said, no matter what there's always something sexual if a gay guy is talking to another guy or if a guy talks to a girl etc. I mean I know my friend has a crush on the press guy (he's hot), but he definitely WAS just being friendly. So I felt like a douche and was kinda weirded out by his reaction. Of course the next topic to follow is "So you never have any gossip about you. Like, you never talk about your personal life." This is my opening to tell this guy "I'm actually gay, but there's not much to tell about. No boyfriend etc." The perfect opening. Only, I'm surrounded by coworkers (who honestly were probably drunk and not listening) and I just had that weird reaction to someone else being gay, so I chickened out and was just like "There's nothing to tell." So he just asked "You don't talk about it? OK." And that was that. Damn damn damn.

I apologized to my friend and he didn't seem to care one bit. I kinda wanted to be like, "well can you out me to him and we'll be even". Saves me the trouble. Lol.

So anyway. That was my office party.

Actually the fun continued. I made the mistake of switching from clear to brown at some point and ended up vomiting twice the next morning. It sucked.

Thank God I Have My Job

2008-12-14T17:25:00.000-08:00

I've realized that not having work to worry about is way too much for me to handle. I'm starting to think that I have trouble compartmentalizing my life. Or maybe it's that I'm particularly good at it. Either way, when I'm working I don't really worry about anything other than work. When I was in school, I didn't really care about anything other than school.

So I don't have to go back to work now until after the New Year. We have a mandatory Christmas break at the first I work at, so I was already getting two weeks off. But I also had a bunch of vacation days that I never used, so I took an additional week on top of that.

But apparently when I have nothing to distract me, I get lonely. I texted Boy1 again this morning saying that I wanted to stop by later today just to say hello and see how he was doing. He responded and said that he was finally getting back to school work after having to take 3 days out to deal with his broken leg. K.... I said "le sigh. ok. well i hope you're feeling better at least." to which he replied. "i'm feeling much better than yesterday. thanks for your concern!" umm... you're welcome?

it's so frustrating. does he actually want to see me again. i believe that he truly is crazy busy, but does that mean that he literally has no time to see me. or even respond to my occasional emails. i don't actually even know how he broke his leg yet. wtf. i know i'm probably wasting my time. my bff told me that i should probably just forget it. but i really liked him and got the feeling that he liked me. aside from not seeing each other, he hasn't said that he's not interested.

ok. i've clearly gone through all of this before on here. i guess it's getting kind of old. Le Sigh.

luckily i have 30 Rock on Netflix to distract me. At least for the night. I've already gone through an ENTIRE season this weekend. it's pretty much genious and i'm totally in love with liz lemon. wish i had someone to enjoy is with though... (pathetic)

Blue

2008-12-12T20:13:00.000-08:00

I don't know what just happened. All of a sudden I just feel kinda blue. It's Friday night. I'm home. I've already run out of things to watch on TV. I didn't have any plans for the night. I never have any plans. I don't have any plans for tomorrow aside from getting a haircut. And I don't have anyone to talk to. :( ... Boy 1 confuses me to no end. I sent him a text the other day telling him my deadline was finished and just asking how things were going I think. He texts back that he broke his leg and looks retarded. I text him back "Aww. Well I'm very good at taking care of invalids. :) Let me know if you need anything. Food... Pharmaceuticals..." I don't get a response. Later that night I'm still up, so I email him saying that I probably should have asked how he was, that I hope he's not in pain or anything, and to say that I was serious about being around to help. I never got a reply today. :( I was on facebook and saw that his status changed to Boy1 is "F my life". So I texted him saying hey hope you're doing ok. almost there. He then replys to say Yeah Just tryin to push through the pain. I assume he means all the work he's got. I texted back to again say that I was dying of boredom so if he needed anything to let me know.

I just don't know what the deal is. I also have been a bad facebook stalker of late. I saw that he had posted a "hey" on his ex boyfriends wall the other day. I'm pretty sure they were friends or at least had the same group of friends, so maybe it's ok. But then tonight I saw that his brother wrote on the ex bf's wall asking how boy1 broke his leg. Are they going out together or something. What's the deal. I really just want to ask him if he's just being polite or if he really does want to eventually see each other again.

Anyway. So I'm just feeling lonely and slightly rejected tonight.

Blue... :(

I Don't Get It

2008-12-10T20:58:00.000-08:00

So Boy 2 text me tonight around 10 or so asking if I want to cuddle. This is the first I've heard this the last attempt. Yes, it isn't 1 in the morning, but I again decline. Well, actually I didn't really decline. I kind of lied. And now I feel bad about it. Even though any other day this week it would have totally been true. I texted back, "At work. :(". Lie. I was sitting at home watching Top Chef with my roommate. Why didn't I want to go you ask? Well, I still have not met this guy. I've seen his facebook and talked to him online and he seems like a normal nice guy, but I really just don't feel comfortable going to someone's apartment whom I've never met before. It just seems like a potentially bad idea. Unless that's something you're cool with, but I'm just not. So he texts me back and says "Come later." I read it and didn't respond. So far, no further texts have come through. I did just email him though explaining that I'm just not ready to come sleep over without having met in person. I did say at the end of the message that we should do something this weekend and asked if he was free. I think this is probably the best way to go. I mean, I just feel like there should be a sequence to this things. Casual flirting online. Having a couple nice conversations. Making plans to meet. Meeting and having a good time. Making plans to meet again and then whatever. Is that unreasonable? And plus, this guy hasn't talked to me since Thanksgiving other than to ask me to come cuddle the two times. So maybe I'm kind of annoyed about that too. But then I go on his facebook page and see how cute he is. Damn those adorable facebook photos. Haha.

What's with everyone trying to get me out of bed all the time

2008-12-04T22:39:00.000-08:00

So I'm laying in bed finishing up an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia on Hulu, and my phone says I have a message. Oh, it's from Boy #2. So I open it. It says "wanna cuddle?". Mind you it's 1:30 am on a Thursday night. I've been in bed for about an hour on my computer, and I'm about to go to sleep. Now, you might think, that's sweet or I wanna cuddle. And yes, I do wanna cuddle. But Boy#2, we haven't even gone on a first date. AND, I emailed you days ago saying to let me know when you get back from Thanksgiving and we can meet up. This is the first I've heard from him since Saturday. I don't think I'm going to get dressed and get on a subway at 1 in the morning to go see someone I haven't even met in person yet. Am I weird for thinking this way. I talked to him online, and he was kind of a jerk about it. Not like an asshole, just short one word answers for everything. I'm suspecting maybe he just got home (normal people go out on Thursdays I hear) and got the email I sent him a few hours ago asking what was up. Maybe he was drunk and decided to just give it a shot. Maybe if it weren't quite so late, and we hadn't gone a week without talking I would have said yes. But for now, I'm going to go to bed and see what's up tomorrow (assuming it won't take another week for him to get back to me).

Enticing Offer

2008-11-29T23:26:00.000-08:00

So I just got off an AIM chat with this guy whom I've been "friends" with on one of those dating websites. I don't know why I friended him. I guess the one picture he had was cute, but I could tell from what he wrote in his profile that he was probably just looking for a hook up. But I accepted his friend request anyway. This was months ago probably. So tonight I'm online talking to this other guy, who's way out of my league and nothing will probably come from that (always hope though), and this guy (we'll call him... Chad) sends me an IM. So I start talking to him. Innocent stuff at first, about how we've been "friends", but never actually talked. Blah, blah, blah. So I say how I'm bored, just hanging out at home. He says "Well want to make your night a little more interesting?" Now, I'm no rocket scientist, but I think it's pretty clear what that means if you read between the lines. He asks me if I want to come over and hang out at his place. Mind you, it's 1:30 in the morning. I'm not the type to stick to any kind of bedtime, but even I think that's a little late to be heading out, let alone travelling from downtown to queens. I tell him I'm flattered, but it's pretty late and random hookups aren't really my thing. He laughs and says I'm being a bit presumptuous. As the conversation goes on, he essentially admits that that is what he had in mind. I've pretty firmly said no thanks, but this guy is intriguing for some reason. He's very persistent, which is kind of a weakness for me (I'll admit it. I have trouble saying no more than once.) Also, I've only got one picture of this guy to go off of, so I don't really even know if I'm attracted to him. I ask him if he has any others and he sends me a couple. He's fine looking. Not really pushing me off the fence one way or another though. Eventually, we get past that and actually have a decent conversation. But come 2 am he's tired and is going to go to bed. He wants to meet up tomorrow at some point he says. I tell him to just IM me. I ask him if he has facebook (obviously looking for some more info to go on here), but he says he's not really out, so he doesn't give that to people he isn't already friends with. K... I guess I buy that. Oh, he also mentions he went to Harvard. Damn it. Suddenly I'm finding you interesting.

Honestly, I haven't had any kind of dating life before, and all of a sudden in the last month or so, I've got three potentials. It's a bit much really. Chad also mentioned that he's not really looking for a relationship right now but would like to meet some friends. I think by friends he means fuck buddies. I'd kind of like to see where things with Boy 1 and Boy 2 are going before I do anything with Chad. Although, Chad made it perfectly clear that he was ready and willing to show me the ropes. I honestly did consider putting my clothes back on and getting on a train, but I really don't like the idea of going over there knowing that it's not going to lead to anything more that a hook up and will probably just confuse me. Did I make the right decision to take life a little slower or should I have just jumped into the deep end?

After writing this all out, I think I'll tell him tomorrow that I'm kind of seeing two other guys right now (even though neither of them have really become much yet), and until I know what is going on with them, I'm not really looking to complicate things further, even if he's just looking for some fun and nothing complicated. I don't think that's what I'm looking for. I'm not just looking for fun, I'm looking for someone to be with. And I don't think that that someone is him right now.

I don't want to lead this guy on, but I don't want to just say sorry not interested. How do I say no thanks now, but maybe later without actually saying it. Haha

New Prospects

2008-11-28T18:15:00.000-08:00

Sorry I've been so MIA this week. Work was super busy, trying to finish up a bunch of stuff before the holiday. And then I was in Jersey (eek) for Thanksgiving, so no computer for the last two days. Not too much going on. I still haven't heard from "Boy 1" at all this week. I was waiting in line yesterday to get a train ticket (45 minutes!) and got bored and started texting people. I texted him "Hey. Happy Thanksgiving! Hope you're enjoying your time at home." I get a text back... "You too. Happy Thanksgiving!" Damn it! I don't get this lack of communication and then the communication I do get is totally ambiguous. I guess things will come to some resolution this week when he's back in the city. We'll see...

At the moment I've also been talking to another guy who I've met online. He's so fucking adorable and we're in the same line of work. From what I've seen on facebook, he's pretty cute. Apparently he thinks I'm "really hot", but I don't know what he's talking about. I guess I'm just insecure when it comes to that sort of thing. So we've been talking online. He's away too until tomorrow I think, so we still have to do a real date. I kind of feel weird about possibly dating two people at once, but at this point, I think it's stupid to worry about that. If I end up continuing to date them both, then I may have some serious thinking to do. At the moment, "Boy 1"s only "con" is that I haven't seen him for weeks. As for "Boy 2", he's much more experienced with relationships (etc.) than I am, so I'm not sure if I'm intimidated by that. He also smokes pot a handful of times a month. I think for some people that would be a problem, but I don't think it is for me. I mean "Boy 1" smokes cigarettes, and not just when he's drunk (like I have been know to do on occasion). I'm definitely planning on meeting up with "Boy 2". We'll see where it goes from there.

PS - Just saw "MILK" today. It was really good. It got me pretty worked up. If I had wanted to, I could have totally been bawling. I kept it to some manly welling up, especially considering that I was with my brother, cousin, aunt, and grandma. Who would have thought they would have picked that movie. But, I'm glad they did. I never realized how tolerant they were. It gives me a lot of hope that when I finally decide to come out to my family that they will be ok with it. I already know they will, but it's just not something I'm prepared for yet.

Waiting...

2008-11-24T21:27:00.000-08:00

So it's now been two weeks and counting since I've actually seen him again. He's home for the week for Thanksgiving, so for now he's pretty much off the hook and I'm just waiting it out. Apparently he's had to work crazy hard for school these last two weeks in order to take this week off. He said that he really just needed to focus on school right now. I'm not sure if that means right now as in these next couple weeks or right now as in at this point in my life. I've sent him texts and IM's, but there's been limited response. A couple apologies for not being able to talk. I'm really not sure how to read the situation at all. I feel like he's blowing me off, but if that were the case, why wouldn't he just cut off all communication. I also don't really know where that would be coming from either since I was under the impression that the two dates we've been on went pretty well. Yeah there were awkward moments, but a date's no fun if you can't remember certain moments and think "god i'm an idiot". Plus he told me that he was having a really good time. Really not sure what's up. For now, like I said, I'm just waiting it out. No contact this week from me. If that's what he wants, then fine. We'll see how things shape up when he's back in town next week. Although I'm sure he'll just have to start studying for finals... Ugh. Frustrating. Luckily I already have a replacement all lined up if this one falls through. More on that later.

A Week Later

2008-11-23T17:31:00.000-08:00

So after the awkward goodbye, we talked online off and on for the week. We decided that we would meet up that weekend to watch a movie at his place. So I went over. I was a little nervous again, but when I saw him waiting for me, it all went away and I was really excited to see him. The greeting was kinda funny. I think he wanted to avoid the handshake too, but his way of avoiding it was apparently to give a high five. Unfortunately I had a plan too, which was a hug. So, we awkwardly met somewhere in the middle of each. I told him I'm not the high-five type anyway.

So we go up to his place. It was so sweet. I could tell he had cleaned up and made his bed and everything. He had a little candle lit, which was really cute. We ordered pizza and went to pick it up. We got a bottle of wine on the way. I don't know what's wrong with me though. When we got back, I had absolutely no appetite. I barely finished one slice of pizza. Maybe I was getting sick or maybe it was just nerves. I don't know. But I felt like such an idiot. Apparently it didn't affect my ability to drink half the bottle of wine in 30 minutes though. Haha.

We put on the movie and started watching it. Get Smart. Maybe it was the wine, but neither of us had any clue about what was going on. Nothing really happened though. We were just sort of leaning on each other. Holding hands. Trying to actually figure out what was happening in the ridiculous movie we were watching. After the movie, we watched some tv and he asked if i wanted to spend the night. I thought about it and said sure. So I spent the night and we just cuddled and spooned. Nothing happened though. I'm not really used to having company while I sleep, so for me it wasn't the best night's sleep i've ever had. Plus I think the wine was making me sick. It definitely was when I woke up. I felt like shit. After laying there trying to fall back to sleep I told him that I was heading home. I really felt crappy and I just needed to be home in my own bed to get some actual sleep. I gave him a kiss, told him we'd talk later, and headed home.

More to come... Sort of.

First Date

2008-11-22T14:14:00.000-08:00

Oh wow. How long has it been? I started this blog on the 4th of July and now it's already time for Thanksgiving. They're putting up Christmas lights in our neighborhood. Not too much has changed since I started this blog over the summer. Work is the same. We've got projects to work on and no one seems too worried about the economy going south.

As for the personal life, not a whole lot of news to report there either. I've been using Dlist trying to meet new people online. It hasn't really led to anything much. But, a few weeks ago I messaged this guy who I thought sounded and looked like a decent guy and we ended up talking online and getting along quite well. I was going home that whole weekend for family stuff (long story) though, so it wasn't until a week later that we actually met up. We went to a little sandwich place for brunch. It was fun. We found the same things odd like the oddly indifferent wait staff, the drapes that people had to paw their way through just to get in, and the funny strawberry that came with my salad. We each got soup and a half sandwich. I think I probably got the same sandwich I got there when I went a year ago. The food was very good, but of course my appetite was being a bit temperamental that day, so I couldn't even finish my half a sandwich. What the hell is wrong with me. I think it may have been due in part to the fact that I'd never actually gone on a date with a guy before. Maybe... After brunch we went shopping around Soho. We stopped in a couple stores that neither of us could afford and complained about how we wish we could actually shop in these places. Then we went to Starbucks and got some coffee. It was still just warm enough that we could walk around w/o a jacket, so we went to the park nearby and sat and talked about dogs and movies. It was really sweet and I decided I really like his personality. After that, we decided to go get a drink, so he took me to this place in his neighborhood that had really cheap drinks. I had too and (probably due to the lack of food in my system) started feeling a little buzz. It started getting dark, so we decided to part ways. I mean it was a first date, so it's not like we were going home together. I'm sure some people would argue me on that, but I'm just not that comfortable with that just yet. We got to where we had to turn and me, being the inept person I am, shook his hand and said I had a good time. I really wish I had hugged him at least. I think I was still a little nervous about it being a first date. I texted him as I was walking away to say that I had a really good time and I hoped we could get together again. He texted me back saying that aside from the awkward goodbye (my bad), he had a really good time too and definitely wanted to get together again. I was pretty happy. :)

To be continued...

Fourth of July - First Post

2008-07-04T22:04:00.000-07:00

So this is my first post on a brand new blog. My last blog was very personal. Just for me. It was more a way for me to vent when I would get depressed. You know, feelings and emotions and inner thoughts and all that kind of bullshit. I probably wrote on it about once ever other month or two. Hopefully this blog will be a fresh start and a way for me to just share a little about my life as an architect living in New York.

The name of the blog comes from the fact that I'm living downtown. No set grid, so the streets are a bit of a maze sometimes. I love it. I feel like I'm living in the New York you see in old movies, where the streets are narrow and dark and the buildings are ornate and commanding. It's amazing if you look closely at some of the buildings. You find historical references, like the Cunard building (the company that launched the Titanic) that you'd never realize where there.

Well, today was the 4th. A pretty lackluster day by all accounts for myself. I spent the day unpacking clothes and rearranging my room. It was a fairly productive day. I definitely got in a good amount of TV though, don't get me wrong. I was mostly just waiting for the fireworks. We can see the Brooklyn Bridge really well from our rooftop, so I was expecting to have a really good view for tonight. It didn't exactly pan out that way. There were two barges launching fireworks, and of course they were both obscured by the two buildings taller than ours. Great...